| Four - Transmetropolitan, Spider Jerusalem and his Filthy Assistants
=====
|
| "FILTHY ASSISTANTS!" Spider's foot connected with Yelena's door. "FILTHY
ASSISTANTS MUST ATTEND ME NOW!" Spider's foot connected with Channon's
door. "I AM NOT BEING ATTENDED TO! THIS ANGERS ME!"
"Shut up." Yelena leaned against the suddenly-empty doorframe that led into her room, shooting a cigarette out of the pack and into her mouth. "Fuck off." "Go die," Channon added, propping her own door up against the wall. "Fuck a syphilitic pug-dog until it bursts." "YOUR PUNY ARGUMENTS DO NOT AVAIL YOU!" Waving both arms Spider stuck his face right up into Yelena's. "AND YOU SMOKE LIKE A GIRL!" "I am a girl, Spider." "Not that he'd know," Channon added. "Or would he?" Yelena attempted to kill Channon with her eyes, her entire face wrinkling up with the sheer fury of her glare. Spider grandly ignored them both, stomping back off down the hallway and still flailing both arms. "FILTHY ASSISTANTS WILL ATTEND ME NOW OR I WILL RIP THEIR TITS OFF!" "I don't do enough drugs for this. God." Yelena stomped off down the hall after him, chewing on the filter of her still-unlit cigarette. Channon followed them both, still smirking. ===== "YOU, FILTHY ASSISTANT NUMBER ONE!" Spider leveled his finger directly at Yelena's face. She snapped her bared teeth at it. "YOU WILL WATCH THIS TELEVISION! IF IT MENTIONS MY NAME, YOU WILL SHOOT IT!" "YOU! FILTHY ASSISTANT NUMBER TWO!" Spider whipped around and pointed at Channon. "YOU WILL ROAM THE FEEDSITES! IF THEY MENTION MY NAME YOU WILL SHOOT FILTHY ASSISTANT NUMBER ONE! MEANWHILE, I AM OFF TO PUKE ON ANYONE THAT I SEE WEARING GREEN! FURTHER BULLETINS AS EVENTS WARRANT!" Ripping off his jacket Spider bolted for the balcony, the glass doors--which had unfortunately still been closed--exploding as he leaped through them. "NEWSFLASH! I APPEAR TO BE BLEEDING! IT IS MY OWN BLOOD! THIS DOES NOT PLEASE ME! FILTHY ASSISTANTS! YOU WILL PUT ON SKIMPY NURSE'S UNIFORMS AND ATTEND ME!" "... FILTHY ASSISTANTS! I AM NOT BEING ATTENDED! FURTHERMORE, A PIGEON HAS JUST SHAT ON ME!" "... FILTHY ASSISTANTS! THE CAT IS PEEING ON MY FACE! I REQUIRE YOU TO FEED IT TO THE MAKER! THE MAKER MUST THEN PRODUCE ME A LOINCLOTH FROM ITS FUR! A LOINCLOTH WITH EYES!" "... FILTHY ASSISTANTS!" ===== "What was he on this time, anyway?" "Does it matter? Eat. We'll go back in a couple of hours and check on him. Bet he's forgotten everything. Including our names." "Bitch. Not taking that bet. And quit filching my cigarettes." |
|
===== |