Eight -
DC Universe/Young Justice/Teen Titans, Bart plotting a seduction
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So when his cell phone rang, he nearly broke his desk grabbing for it, and then nearly broke the phone flipping it open. "Yo," he said, spinning around in his desk chair to firmly put his back to all of algebra and most of Smallville.

"Hey!" Bart. "What's up? Can you talk? Well, I know you can talk, I mean, I've heard you talk before and I guess you probably haven't lost the ability or anything, unless you got attacked by some super-silence guy or something, but, you know, I mean, do you have time to talk? That's what I meant. Time. Yeah."

Kon, well-used to this sort of thing by now, waited more or less patiently until Bart ran out of words. "Oh, God. Yes. Please talk to me. Anything. Save me from my homework."

"Okay! Do you like flowers?"

Kon, well-used to this sort of thing by now, only floundered for a moment. "Uh. They're nice, I guess. I mean, I don't like flowers as much as Kory does, but I don't hate them. Why?"

"No reason. Do you like chocolate?"

"... sure?"

"Okay. Um. Long walks on the beach?"

"... Bart?"

"Candlelit dinners?"

"Bart?"

"Romantic movies?"

"Bart."

"Breakfast in bed?"

"Bart!"

Bart stopped. Kon could almost picture the startled expression on his face. "...what?"

"What's up with this?" Kon asked suspiciously, glancing automatically at the door of his room to make sure it was still closed. "You sound like a personal ad or something."

"Well, see, I was thinking--" Kon knew that was a bad sign. "--the San Francisco Library had all these books on keeping the spice in a relationship and stuff, and some of them were dumb, I mean, one of them wanted me to greet you at the door wearing nothing but Saran Wrap--" Kon's brain short-circuited. "--and, I mean, that stuff totally doesn't breathe, but anyway, I thought that maybe I ought to do something special to spice things up, bring the excitement back into our relationship--"

"Bart."

Bart stopped. Kon threw an agonized glance at the door to his room, then added, "Hang on a minute."

"Um. Okay. I'm hanging."

Kon got up and opened the door to his room, making sure there weren't any stray Kents about in the hallway. There weren't. He could hear the television going downstairs, and that was a good sign. But he still closed the door to his room and propped his backpack in front of it (less of a roadblock and more of an early-warning device) and then went and closed himself up in his closet, burrowing deep into his (hopefully sound-absorbing) hanging clothes and closing his eyes. The only light was the faint blue glow of his cellphone and the light coming in under the door, and Bart was breathing in his ear. This was as safe as he was going to get without flying into the upper atmosphere, and he wasn't allowed to fly on weekdays. "Okay."

"Okay! So, anyway, I asked Tim about what kind of things I should do if I wanted to seduce someone and he looked at me really strangely and asked me to repeat myself, and Tim never does that, so I'm totally confused, and--"

"Bart." Kon pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Stop, okay? Just stop."

"Um. I'm stopped."

"Okay, so..." And then Kon had to stop, and gather his hopelessly scattered thoughts, while Bart waited impatiently on the other end of the phone. Every few seconds Bart would start to say something, and Kon would clear his throat, and Bart would shut up again. Finally, Kon was pretty sure he had it. "Bart, do you remember when the first time we kissed was?"

"Um. Duh. Sure. It was the fourth."

"Riiiight, and when was the first time..." Kon trailed off and cleared his throat again.

"First time...? Oh, that. Duh, it was last weekend."

"Three days ago."

"Right, so--"

"Bart."

"--sorry."

"It hasn't even been a month yet, Bart."

"... uh huh..."

"You don't have to put the spice back in if it's still there. You see?"

"... oh. So, um, it's still exciting, then?"

Despite everything, Kon had to close his eyes and grin, leaning his forehead against the back wall of his closet. "Yeah. Yeah, you could definitely say that."

"Oh." Bart was silent for approximately two seconds, obviously thinking things through very, very thoroughly. "So I don't need to do any of that stuff."

"No, I'm pretty sure I don't need any spicing."

"Okay." Bart sounded a little deflated. "So you don't want any flowers or chocolates or, uh, personal-ad stuff. Yet."

"Right."

"Okay. That's kind of a pity. I was looking forward to the phone sex."

Kon's brain short-circuited again. He managed to make a little choking noise into the phone that sounded a bit like "What?"

"Oh, well, see, one of the books suggested that I should call you on the phone, like this, and tell you exactly what I was going to do to you the next time I saw you, like, you know, 'when you come to California this weekend I'm going to jump on you the instant you come into my room and pull off all your clothes and we're not even going to make it to the bed this time because I have vibrating hands and I know exactly where I want to try putting them because I really want to make you make that noise again because it was great', but I guess I should hold off on that kind of stuff until later, huh?"

By this point Kon was in a whimpering little huddle against the back wall of his closet. Bart, apparently taking this as some kind of answer, prattled on. "But, anyway, I guess I should let you get back to your homework and stuff, so, uh, see you Friday!" The phone clicked in Kon's ear.

Thirty seconds later, he actually summoned the strength to hang it up.