Seven-
Xenosaga, Gaignun
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Hiding under Helmer's wing, disguised with new names, they bided their time. Rubedo drifted through that first year like a ghost, mentally cut off from Nigredo as he was from all their other siblings. For the first few months Nigredo drifted helplessly after him, knowing that it was Albedo Rubedo obsessed over, knowing, as he always had, that he was a poor substitute, an afterthought, an also-ran.

The onset of puberty was almost a relief. At least, it was a distraction. By the time Rubedo managed to falteringly restore mental contact, Nigredo was well on his way to being someone else. It didn't mean that he wasn't grateful. It wasn't that. He was almost pathetically grateful to have his br/other back--to have his br/other all to himself--and Rubedo, for his part, clung to Nigredo because Nigredo was all that he had left. Nigredo was better than nothing.

But Nigredo was someone else now. Nigredo was Gaignun Kukai. From where he stood he could see adulthood, and nothing he had ever read had prepared him for the minefields he was about to walk through.

The apartment they shared was paid for, ultimately, by Helmer, through a bewildering series of double-blinds. It was also small, just barely large enough for a couple of boys to live in, far too small to draw attention to itself. For all that Rubedo was only partially present, he still filled the apartment and Nigredo's thoughts. They still shared a bedroom. Although not a bed, not any more.

So really, the only choice was the pitifully tiny bath.

It wasn't even a bath, not precisely. It was a round shower stall, narrower than Nigredo's outstretched arms, with a toilet and a sink that folded out from the wall when they were needed and folded back in to be cleaned when they were not. Their apartment building was so old that the showers still used water instead of sonics. This was, ultimately, a relief.

Nigredo turned the shower up as high as it would go and then sank down against the wall, huddling in a wet lump against the shower's smooth plasteel sides. Water dripped from the ends of his short hair and he was forced to tuck his head down, to watch what he was doing rather than stare blindly off into space, as he'd prefer. He settled for letting his eyes go unfocused, so that the movement of his hands was just a slight pinkish blur.

Carefully, awkwardly, Nigredo put up the rudimentary mental shields that he'd been working on. They wouldn't keep Rubedo out, should Rubedo choose to insist, but they would at least warn him that Nigredo was not open to receiving at the moment--

--then Nigredo bit his lower lip and took himself in hand.

It was almost embarrassing, how quickly and eagerly he reacted to his own touch, and he had to twist aside and press his mouth to his shoulder to keep from making a noise. He didn't know what he was doing but in the end, it didn't matter, he didn't have to do anything but keep his hands moving and his body would leap into them on its own--

(--do?)

Nigredo's hands spasmed on his cock. Desperately he pushed at his shields, bracing them as best he could. (no) he sent. (i-I mean yes but no)

(nigredo) (what) Rubedo's mental voice was faraway, confused, muffled, determined. (what)

(no) Nigredo thought, putting a shoulder to his shields and bracing them. His hands flew and his skinny hips bucked up off the shower floor. (no no yes no yes) (yes)

(nigredo) and then, in desperation, (Nigredo)

Nigredo recognized his new self in Rubedo's mind and came, all at once. (rubedorubedo)(ru)(be)

(Nigre) "--do!" Small fists hammered at the shower's door.

Nigredo sank back down into his huddle, hands clasped tight around his still-hard cock. (I'm in the shower) he sent, clearly and patiently, barely noticing that he had referred to himself as I instead of i. Rubedo noticed, though, and fell silent. (can it wait)

(worried) Rubedo sent, his mental voice almost sullen. (couldn't reach you)

(here I am) Nigredo sent back, his hands unclasping. He washed them clean in the falling water; a sudden and powerful guilt swept over him, and he reached out for his br/other like a child. (I)(i)(will always be here for you)(rubedo)