Anyway.

       So what is yaoi anyway? I'm SO glad you asked. The answer... differs, depending on how
       picky you want to be. Okay okay, I'll stop prevaricating.

       YAOI refers to a genre of Japanese anime/manga that involves two men having sex with each
       other. Generally there is very little plot, just lots of nudity and fluids.
       YURI is just like yaoi, but it involves two women, instead of two men.
       SHOUNEN AI or SHONEN AI refers to two men or two boys being romantic towards each
       other, but there's no sex involved. Mostly kissing, cuddling, and angst. Lots of angst. Also,
       shounen ai is much more likely to contain a plot.
       SHOUJO AI or SHOJO AI is, surprise surprise, just like shounen ai but involves two women
       or two girls.
       (I won't actually be talking much about anything but yaoi, but I wanted to get all that straight.)

       So yaoi is gay porn? Er... sort of. The significant difference is that, while Western gay porn is
       popular with gay men, the fans of yaoi tend to be heterosexual women.

       I've noticed that this tends to bother a LOT of men. Some people (who don't think it through
       too well) assume that if a girl likes yaoi, she must be a lesbian. The illogic behind this baffles
       me.
       After all, millions of heterosexual males admit that they really, really enjoy 'lesbian' porn, and
       that doesn't make them gay, does it? Far from it. A male friend of mine was trying to explain
       that particular fixation to me once. Eventually, the explanation he came up with was this:

       "See, it's just as arousing as normal porn, but you don't have to put up with some guy in the
       shots, or worry that you enjoy looking at the naked guy TOO much. Instead, there's a whole
       extra girl for you to look at! It's, like, two for one!"

       That, in essence, is yaoi's appeal to hetero women. Granted, there's a LOT more to it, but that's
       pretty much what it's ALL based on... two for one and no damn girls. Of course, they're usually
       also men of unearthly beauty, astonishingly well-drawn... plus, since most yaoi artists are
       female, they have a very good understanding of what manipulates the female libido. I'll be the
       first to admit that well-done yaoi pushes my buttons.
       (Also, it makes me laugh when guys complain that there's too much yaoi out there, and there
       needs to be more yuri. There's about ten times as much yuri out there; it's just that most yuri
       exists in those immense, scary pay hentai sites that litter the Web like cigarette butts, while most
       yaoi sites are small, fan-run operations created by people you know.)
       =====
       Okay, so now that I've discussed that, it's time to make a Counterintuitive But True Statement:
       The men portrayed in yaoi are not necessarily gay.

       Yes, it's true. This is why people who appreciate yaoi laugh when you complain that
       'such-and-so is not gay!'. Because he's not.
       Confused? Okay, more terminology.
       The SEME is the 'top', if you will. Basically, he's the man in charge of the action. Look for the
       smirk.
       The UKE, then, is the 'bottom', or the guy being taken advantage of. He blushes and screams a
       lot.

       Almost all yaoi is based on a 'master/minion' relationship. It's very seldom that equal couples
       exist. The uke is usually smaller, younger, prettier and/or angstier. He's also much less likely to
       be gay.
       You see, hardcore yaoi is, at heart, about taking advantage of weakness. (This has always
       bothered me, frankly. But more about that later.) The seme, at heart, is not gay, but rapacious
       enough to have sex with anything that he finds reasonably attractive, because seduction is a
       power trip; the uke is not gay either, but does not have the strength and/or the willpower to
       resist.
       But what about when they are, in fact, assumed to be gay? This proves to be a much kinder
       form of yaoi, containing a fair bit of shounen ai as well; in these stories, the couple is an actual
       couple. They love each other, and we just happen to... uh... spy on their activities. Of course,
       there is still a dominant partner and a submissive partner. This is by far the most popular kind
       of yaoi, and when girls talk about 'couples', this is what they mean.

       Yeah, so I think about this a lot. I've also been known to overanalyze the concept of sugar
       cookies. I'm just that philosophical. (Any of you buying that?)

       If there's one thing that yaoi fangirls love, it's to speculate about the possibilities inherent in
       their favorite anime/manga/RPG/whatever. Exactly what they prefer, allow, and like differs
       wildly. Almost every anime, manga, or video game that exists is probably also the source of
       constant speculation. There are 'canon' couples (yaoi pairings that seem so obvious or so
       attractive that it's damn near official) and people who enjoy stranger couplings. (Double
       entendre entirely meant, thank you.) Once you've become familiar with the concepts inherent in
       yaoi, it's really easy to pick out the couples for yourself. Some characters just scream 'uke', and
       that's all there is to it.

       So, what are popular 'canon' couplings? Listed in seme x uke order:
       1). The main villain x the plucky young hero that vanquishes him.
       Examples: Sephiroth x Cloud, Treize x Wufei.
       2). Slightly older/more knowing hero x innocent and/or prettier hero.
       Examples: Irvine x Zell, Xelloss x Zelgadiss, Trowa x Quatre
       3). Boss x flunky.
       Examples: Rufus x Reno, Treize x Zechs, Sydney x Hardin
       4). Reversible couples.
       Example: Both Heero x Duo and Duo x Heero are common. Reasonably enough, most
       reversible couples are also the closest to 'equal' couples, with the least emphasis on seme/uke.

       So, are you screaming in outrage yet? So are a lot of yaoi fangirls, believe it or not. To clear up
       another common misunderstanding: yaoi fangirls all have different tastes. Sometimes radically
       different.

       To put it simply: say that you know a mid-twenties guy who collects nude b&w pinups of
       mid-twenties black women. If you show him a full-color picture of an nude eighty-year-old
       white woman with multiple piercings, he ain't gonna like it.
       Similarly, if you show a conservative yaoi fangirl (like me) an incestuous coupling, she's not
       gonna like it either.

       There are plenty of other division lines in the yaoi community, as well, based on taste. Basically,
       every kink that exists in normal porn (normal pornography - what a phrase!) exists in yaoi, even
       the sick, evil, and generally gross ones. But if yaoi is an acquired taste (and it is), then hardcore
       extreme yaoi is an even harder taste to acquire, and many fangirls loathe the more extreme
       forms. We're not ALL sickos, see.

       =====

       Half the fun of enjoying yaoi is arguing about it with other yaoi fans. It's quite possible to see
       passionate arguments over such things as: whether Quatre is better suited to being a seme or an
       uke, whether Sydney is better paired with Ashley or with Hardin, and whether Viktor and Flik
       are actually in a long-term relationship or not. (My answers: uke from hell, Hardin, and yes,
       eventually; by the beginning of Suikoden II they bicker just like an old married couple.)

       Even common canon couples can come under fire from certain elements of yaoi fandom. You
       see, some yaoi fangirls adamantly insist that the couplings be totally possible within the
       confines of the anime's plot, and some run rampant over facts to create 'pretty' couples. And, of
       course, there's always derivations to annoy you further: far-future/far-past plotlines, cheating on
       obvious mates, one-night stands, et cetera. Basically, if a fangirl WANTS two guys to sleep
       together, it can be engineered. So get over it. No matter how much sexual tension exists
       between Heero and Relena, there are still plenty of ways to get Heero together with Duo. (And I
       like Duo better in any case, thank you.)

       =====

       Okay, so if you've read this far and you're NOT a yaoi fangirl, you're a trooper. And I bet
       you're wondering what all this has to do with you. Well, basically, I'd like to plead with you. IF
       YOU DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T LOOK AT IT.

       If you don't like yaoi, that's perfectly okay, and I can't blame you at all. Yaoi is an acquired taste,
       like escargot, and it's most definitely not for everyone. But, please, please, if you don't like yaoi,
       leave it alone.
       Please don't look at yaoi if you don't specifically want to see it. Only the most irresponsible of
       webmasters will fail to warn you about possible yaoi content, and webmasters like that should
       be reprimanded and whipped. Er, reprimanded. If a webmaster takes steps to warn you about
       yaoi/shounen ai content, and you still look at it, you have no right to be outraged/write
       flames/take action.

       Please don't write to the webmasters to proclaim that 'such-and-so is not gay' or 'yaoi is gross,
       why do you have it on your site'. Those are your opinions. The webmaster also has opinions,
       and it's her site. Guess who wins?
       Personally, I'm disgusted by most of the cheap porn that litters Geocities, but I acknowledge its
       right to exist, and I don't attack the webmasters.

       And, for crying out loud, if you're underage, don't look at yaoi. I don't care how much you want
       to. Yaoi fans really CARE about their hobby and their websites, and losing your site to an
       outraged parent is a horrible, horrible experience.
       If you're underage and you just HAVE to look at yaoi, then at least be CAREFUL, okay? Your
       parents aren't just going to punish YOU.

       Respect yaoi and its right to exist. In turn, I wish that yaoi fangirls would respect your dislike
       and keep discussions of the topic away from you. Many of them don't, and I'm not particularly
       happy about that. Yaoi, just like anything else that exists, can be overdone/abused, and it's those
       rabid obsessed fangirls that give the rest of us a bad name. We're not all the same, and we're not
       all crazy/immature/obsessed, either.

       =====
       QUICK GLOSSARY:
       DOUJINSHI: (abbr. dj): a fan-made or amateur manga. Huge, huge cottage industry in Japan,
       with their own convention; a fair percentage of these djs are yaoi/yuri/shounen ai/shoujo ai,
       often featuring popular characters in 'fangirl's-dream-come-true' stories. There seems to be no
       tendency to sue over these doujinshi, and large companies often recruit new talent from dj
       writers/artists.

       SEME: the dominant partner in a yaoi pairing. I have no idea if there's a comparable term in
       yuri.

       UKE: the submissive partner in a yaoi pairing.

       x or /: the shortcut to designate the yaoi couple in question. Always listed seme first, uke
       second. If there's more than two people, there will generally be some sort of 'pecking order'
       (meant that double entendre too). Some poor guy will always be the uber-uke: Sephiroth x Zack
       x Cloud, Iori x Kyo x Shingo.
       The 'x' is generally preferred and more 'Japanese' in tone. Reserve '/' for slash pairings (see
       below).

       SLASH: Yaoi, but concerning real human beings instead of fictional characters. Most slash
       deeply, deeply disturbs me. It seems libelous, and real human beings just aren't as attractive as
       fictional ones. Which is probably why most slash is written, instead of drawn.
       The term 'slash' also covers male/male pairings of characters in live-action television shows, as
       opposed to animated television shows. Essentially, if the characters being slashed have 'real'
       human faces instead of drawn ones, then it's slash, not yaoi.

       SHOTACON: Yaoi involving pre-pubescent males. Reasonably popular in Japan. Makes my
       skin crawl.

       LOLICON: Like shotacon but involving pre-pubescent females. Makes my skin crawl more.

       HENTAI: This one is surprisingly difficult to classify. Generally covers everything from
       pin-up pictures to hardcore heterosexual sex pictures. Basically, as long as it is sexually
       suggestive, it is hentai. Yaoi and yuri are, technically, subdivisions of hentai, although this
       definition seems to be losing popularity.
       Hentai also covers such weirdness as 'tentacle porn' and 'the invisible genital'. Generally not
       present in yaoi.

       ECCHI: 'Ecchi' is how the Japanese pronounce the letter 'H'. Technically, this is just a
       shorthand term for hentai (H), but gradually it's come to mean lighter softcore hentai: nude
       pinups, suggestive pictures, semi-nude shots, and so on.

       LEMON: An American term. Used to designate a fanfic/story with explicit sexual scenes. I
       personally hate this designation; it's a very coy term for a very explicit genre.

       LIME: Also an American term. Used to designate a fanfic/story with sexual overtones/implied
       sex, but containing nothing explicit.

       PWP: 'Plot? What plot?' Coy Americanism for yaoi at its most abstract. A story/picture that
       exists solely for the sex.

       YAOI: a genre of Japanese anime/manga that involves two men having sex with each other.
       Generally there is very little plot, just lots of nudity and fluids.

       YURI: like yaoi, but it involves two women, instead of two men.

       SHOUNEN AI or SHONEN AI: two men or two boys being romantic towards each other, but
       there's no sex involved. Mostly kissing, cuddling, and minute examination of their emotions and
       feelings. Shounen ai is much more likely to contain a plot.

       SHOUJO AI or SHOJO AI: like shounen ai but involves two women or two girls.

       Granted, these are all just my takes on things, and many diehard yaoi fans would argue that I
       got some of these wrong. And I did, in many cases. There are subdivisions of yaoi that I
       glossed over or lumped together for the sake of simplicity. I didn't even go into the differences
       between yaoi and june, for example, or talk about the concepts of 'bishounen' and 'biseinen'. It's
       only a brief essay, for crying out loud. Furthermore, except when talking to diehard, humorless
       yaoi obsessees (which do exist, alas), the terms above will carry you through just fine.
       For a much more in-depth look at the terms, go to aestheticism.net and look in their 'References'
       section. Their glossary is invaluable and fascinating, and you won't be forced to look at
       anything explicit. Aestheticism is an excellent source for yaoi in all its forms, and very helpful to
       the newbie or the curious.

       Thanks for listening to my rant. I'll try and write about something that doesn't involve sex soon.

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