Suikoden III - Before It's Too Late!I have no idea where this dumb little idea came from, but come on. We all know he can't be human.Truly random comic violence. Very very little in the way of spoilers, although being familiar with the personalities of Geddoe's team -- all six of them -- will help. ===== |
| (SCENE: A campsite somewhere, late at night. A fire flickers in the
center of the camp. At one side we see JACQUES, leaning against a tree
with his enormous bowgun balanced across his lap; around the campfire,
rolled up in blankets and obviously asleep, we see GEDDOE, QUEEN, AILA,
and JOKER. The bowgun suddenly swings off JACQUES' lap and points into
the shadows; JACQUES doesn't say anything. A moment later ACE picks his
way into the camp from those very shadows.)
ACE: Whoa, whoa, kid, it's just me, hold your water, don't shoot. JACQUES: Oh. It's you. ACE: Yeah, it's me. I just said that. JACQUES: ... ACE: Oh, what now? JACQUES: It isn't important. ACE: ... fine. Whatever. You are one weird kid, you know that? JACQUES: Am I? I hadn't noticed. ACE: You are! I don't think you've shown a damn emotion since we picked you up. JACQUES: ... is that important? ACE: You're damn right it's important! Are you even human? JACQUES: ... do you know, I'm not sure. ACE: He's not sure. He's not sure! Did you hear that, boss? He's not sure! GEDDOE: (muzzily) Shut up. QUEEN: (equally muzzily) Some of us are trying to sleep, over here. JACQUES: (inexorably) I don't know how you tell if you're human. How do you tell? (ACE splutters.) ACE: What the hell do you mean, 'how do you tell'? You just know! Were your parents human? JACQUES: How would I tell? ACE: ARGH! (Spluttering, ACE stomps across the camp and makes some sort of aggravated punching motion at JACQUES' head. JACQUES does not duck -- something that ACE was apparently counting on him to do -- and ACE's fist clouts him upside the head, dislodging his wide white headband, which falls to the ground -- with a clunk.) ACE: ... what the hell was that? It went 'clunk'! JACQUES: ... ... ... ... aiegh. Orgh. NYAAARGH. ACE: ... uh. Jacques? JOKER: (waking up, pissed off) Would you two... shut... up...? (JACQUES reaches up and clutches his headband-less head in both hands, still making completely incoherent noises. When his hands fall, his face is, for the first time that anyone can remember, flooded with emotion -- fear. Leaping to his feet JACQUES grabs ACE by his shirtfront and shakes the larger man vigorously, far too easily for two people of their respective sizes.) JACQUES: Thank the Higher Ones you knocked the control band off me! Quickly! There isn't much time, you must listen! You must all listen! ACE: Wha-wha-what the he-he-hell stop sha-sha-shaking me ki-ki-kid! (GEDDOE and QUEEN sit up in their bedrolls. AILA continues to snore.) JACQUES: (in a low, controlled voice full of terror) They're coming, you don't understand. You've got maybe three days to get into Harmonia before they get here, they've been on their way for years! You must tell the Bishop to open the Lower Shelter! He's the only one who can... (An ominous ticking sound starts, coming from somewhere inside JACQUES' headband-less head.) JACQUES: Who can... who can... GET DOWN! (JACQUES throws ACE to the ground, accidentally dropping the larger man square on top of JOKER, who bellows in outrage and shoves him off.) ACE: What? The bishop is the only one who can get down what? You're scaring me, k... (JACQUES' head explodes.) ACE: ... iiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIID! (Steaming chunks of the ex-JACQUES shower the party. His headless body wavers in place for a moment before collapsing into a twitching pile. All the other SFDF members leap away from it, brushing gobbets of strangely siliconized flesh off their arms. A moment later JACQUES' headband explodes with a brilliant flash and another, more muted sound, spraying chunks of metal and plastic everywhere; everyone flinches away from it, shielding their eyes.) ACE: ... ow. Boss? GEDDOE: ... ACE: Boss, I told you that kid was weird, boss... (CURTAIN.) |
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COMMENTS:
'Gobbet' is such a great word. |