| Star Ocean: The Second Story - Cross Crush
When you cross 'all's fair in love and war' with 'whatever can go wrong, will go wrong', you get 'Ashton'. Warnings:
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| (META-SCENE: After INDALECIO's death and the destruction of Energy
Nede, but before the ending segments. The party has returned to the newly
recreated Expel and taken rooms in Cross, all together, to work out last-minute
details before all going their own ways [ie. triggering the couple endings].)
(SCENE: The streets of Cross. Just a few feet away, townsfolk bustle here and there busily, going about their business; but this small side road is relatively quiet and deserted. DIAS is here, striding down the center of the road, the expression on his face somewhere between neutral and thunderous. Those few people who are nearby get out of his way.) INCREDIBLY PERKY VOICE: (from behind DIAS) Diiiiiiiiiiiiias~! (DIAS stops dead, and a most un-Dias-like expression flits across his face: fear. Fear, mixed with resignation and a bit of disgust. After just a moment, though, his face smooths back over into its normal expression, and he turns around slowly, to face PRECIS, who is beamingly clattering up behind him.) DIAS: (flatly) What? PRECIS: (cheerfully) There you are! I've been looking all over for you... DIAS: (flatly) Why? PRECIS: Because I want you to show me the city, silly~! You've lived on this continent so much longer than I have... c'mon, it'll be fun~! (Without another word, PRECIS links her arm through DIAS'. DIAS flinches, just a bit, but manages to avoid pulling away. He also manages to avoid killing PRECIS, and no one is sure which action took more willpower on DIAS' part. PRECIS beams up at DIAS and drags him off by one arm, DIAS lagging behind just a bit.) (SCENE: The outdoor cafe' in Cross. ASHTON is sitting here, slumped over one of the small tables out in the square, alone. Well, as alone as ASHTON ever gets. ASHTON looks exhausted; he has serious purple bags under his eyes, his eyelids are drooping, and he's clutching a large mug of coffee in both fists, sipping from it whenever he remembers to. GYORO and URURUN are reared up over ASHTON's head, staring at each other.) GYORO: No, no, no. If you could just release your stranglehold on your teleological viewpoint for one minute... URURUN: I submit that your ontological view of the situation is wholly inappropriate! You are reacting, not acting, and I find that completely illogical. GYORO: Some situations cannot be coolly and logically debated! If we are to factor in human nature at all, and in such a situation we really cannot do otherwise, we must reach a greater understanding of the emotional undercurrents therein! ASHTON: (tiredly) Heads up, guys. (Both GYORO and URURUN jerk their heads up. Sure enough, RENA is crossing the square towards ASHTON, waving. As she walks up:) GYORO: Grooonk? URURUN: Awooork. RENA: Hi Ashton! Hi guys! Aw, aren't you two cute. Cookie? Who wants a cookie? (RENA beams and holds up a small cookie. Both GYORO and URURUN make a great show of 'awrk'ing and 'awoork'ing and snapping for it, rolling their eyes whenever they think RENA can't see them. URURUN snags the cookie, and then RENA pulls out a second one for GYORO. Cookie-time over, RENA reaches over and scratches URURUN behind the horns. URURUN makes a lot of little 'awrk awrk' sounds, to cover the sound of GYORO spitting out the cookie fragments.) ASHTON: ... good morning, Rena. (RENA pulls out the chair opposite ASHTON and plunks into it, beaming. Without a single word, ASHTON holds up the mug of coffee long enough for URURUN to have a sip, to kill the cookie taste in his mouth. After a moment, GYORO gets a sip of coffee too, then ASHTON brings the mug back down and takes a hefty swallow.) RENA: Are you all right, Ashton? You look exhausted... ASHTON: I am exhausted... these two kept me up all night... (RENA gets a really dippy-looking scolding expression on her face, and shakes her forefinger at GYORO and URURUN.) RENA: Aww, now, you two need to let Papa Ashton sleep! No fighting! (GYORO and URURUN both stare at RENA for a moment, then make a great show of dipping their heads and looking embarrassed.) URURUN: Gyoooooonk... GYORO: Awrk. Awoooork. RENA: Good boys! (RENA beams and reaches out to pet GYORO before settling back down. ASHTON now has a disbelieving expression on his face.) ASHTON: ... Rena, they're not dogs... and please, don't call me Papa Ashton, it's so distressing... RENA: (chirpily) Aw, I'm sorry. Don't be so grumpy! ASHTON: ... I'm sorry, Rena. I'm going to be simply terrible company until I have a large amount of coffee... RENA: Awww. Why don't I leave you three alone, then? I'll come back in an hour or so, and... maybe we can go to the market together? I found this wonderful little bibelot shop... ASHTON: (perks up ever so slightly) ... charms? RENA: I think so! ASHTON: Wonderful... give me an hour and I'm all yours. I promise. RENA: Oh, good, I'd like that! I'll see you then, Ashton, Gyoro, Ururun! (Without further ado, RENA leans over and plants big smoochy kisses on the foreheads of both GYORO and URURUN. ASHTON shudders at each kiss, but RENA doesn't notice. Then RENA waves and bounces off, back towards the inn. GYORO and URURUN stare after her; ASHTON doesn't.) URURUN: Does she store those cookies in a jar of dirt, or is it merely a side effect of being near her? GYORO: The head-scratches aren't entirely horrible, however. ASHTON: For you two, maybe. URURUN: Ashton-host, perhaps you really ought to inform Rena that you experience the sensations that we do... ASHTON: I just wish she'd stop kissing you. Me. Us. Whatever. It's so very disturbing. It feels like she's kissing my bare shoulders and it just makes me feel naked. GYORO: For my part, I wish that she would stop treating us like animals. ASHTON: I did try to ask her not to! If you two wanted to stop that, you could always start talking in front of her... URURUN: ... but, Ashton-host. We do not want to be the instigators of such trouble. If we were to expose ourselves as intelligent now, it would cause many repercussions... there are, after all, such things we have seen... ASHTON: Well, that's true, but... You could at least stop acting like dogs. Maybe if you stopped taking those cookies and butting your heads up against her, she'd stop! URURUN: And then she would wonder why, and she would feel hurt, and soon? Trouble. Do you wish her to blame you for our actions? Do you want her to cry on your shoulder? GYORO: Alas, brother, Ashton-host, we are trapped... ASHTON: Nnnngh. GYORO: ... might I have some more coffee, Ashton-host? (Without a word, ASHTON holds up the mug again. GYORO sticks his muzzle into it.) URURUN: Er. I say. Isn't that Dias? (ASHTON's head jerks up. Coffee slops over the side of the upheld mug, burning his fingers. He doesn't notice.) GYORO: It is, and he's with... Precis? Gracious. That poor man. (ASHTON blinks. Sure enough, here come DIAS and PRECIS. PRECIS is dragging DIAS towards the cafe', beaming.) PRECIS: (waving her free hand frantically) Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii Ashton~! Be right baaaaaaaaack~! (And PRECIS drags DIAS past ASHTON's table. As they go by, DIAS locks eyes with ASHTON, who flushes.) DIAS: (flatly) Help me. PRECIS: (gaily) Oh, you're such a silly! C'mon, let's have breakfast~! (PRECIS drags DIAS into the cafe'. ASHTON watches the door swing shut, his face still faintly pink.) GYORO: (licking coffee off his muzzle) ... well, well. URURUN: Ashton-host, you cannot go on like this. ASHTON: I most certainly can, and don't you start on this again. (And ASHTON sticks his own face in his coffee mug, effectively precluding further conversation. GYORO and URURUN stare at each other for a moment. GYORO shrugs, amazingly well for a creature that's all neck and no shoulders. URURUN reaches down and nips ASHTON on the ear. ASHTON makes a spluttering noise in his coffee and swats at URURUN. After a moment, both dragons settle down to a quiet survey of the square, letting ASHTON drink his coffee in something approaching peace.) GYORO: (quietly) Here they come. (ASHTON pinkens again, but doesn't put down the huge mug, preferring to hide as much of his face in it as possible. PRECIS plonks down at ASHTON's table, without asking, and beams at ASHTON. After a moment, DIAS arrives, bearing an overloaded tray gingerly and looking much put-upon. Putting the tray down in the center of the table, DIAS pulls out a chair and flops down in it, carefully sitting closer to ASHTON than to PRECIS. ASHTON is most adamantly not noticing.) PRECIS: I'm staaaaarving~! (PRECIS starts pulling things off the woefully overloaded tray, piling them in front of her. ASHTON watches in disbelief over the rim of his mostly-empty mug as the pile of food in front of PRECIS mounts; when all is said and done, the tray is empty, save for a smallish sausage roll and two enormous mugs of coffee. DIAS claims the roll and one mug of coffee, then plunks the other mug down in front of ASHTON.) DIAS: Here. ASHTON: Oh! Uh, thank you... DIAS: Sure. (ASHTON trades his empty mug for the new one, clutching it in front of his face like a lifeline, surreptitiously watching DIAS from the corner of his eye. DIAS eats his roll in two giant bites and chugs the boiling-hot coffee in a few enormous gulps that must have been painful. ASHTON winces. PRECIS doesn't notice, tucking into a plateful of what appear to be pancakes smothered in whipped cream.) DIAS: I'm done. Gonna head out. (And before PRECIS can swallow her mouthful of food, DIAS shoves his chair back and leaves, his long legs scissoring as he strides out of the square. He's not running, no, but he's covering an immense amount of ground, very fast. PRECIS stares after DIAS mournfully.) PRECIS: Awwwww, and I was going to make him show me the marketplace after breakfast, too... ASHTON: Mmm. PRECIS: Isn't he dreamy? I think he's attracted to me, but he's so reserved... he'd never say... but I can tell~! Women's intuition~! (ASHTON coughs, narrowly avoiding spitting hot coffee all over himself. GYORO makes what is possibly the most sarcastic 'awooork' sound you've ever heard. URURUN ducks his head under ASHTON's cape.) URURUN: (to ASHTON, as quietly as he can) I cannot decide whether that is sad or terribly, terribly funny... and I certainly can't decide which of them I feel sorrier for... (ASHTON nearly spits coffee all over himself again. URURUN pops back out from under the cape and nips ASHTON's ear in a friendly way.) PRECIS: I really think he likes me~! I mean, he never says anything to me, ever, unless I make him, and he stays as far away from me as possible all the time... he's so shy~! He's afraid to admit how much he likes me! It's adorable~! (Starry-eyed, PRECIS goes back to her immense meal. ASHTON, learning fast, wasn't actually sipping at his coffee, so all he has to do is refrain from laughing. It's not easy. The rest of the meal proceeds in silence; PRECIS tucks away a ridiculous amount of food, very fast, and ASHTON clutches his mug of coffee to his face and works on draining it. Finally, PRECIS finishes her meal and shoves her chair back, jumping to her feet.) PRECIS: Anyway, I'll see you later, Ashy~! I'm going to go find Dias again, see if he'll take me to the castle... I hear it's terribly romantic up on the balcony~! (PRECIS beams, waves, and bounces off. ASHTON, GYORO and URURUN watch her go, with three eerily similar expressions of disbelief on their faces.) GYORO: Look at it this way, Ashton-host. You have a much better chance with Dias than she does. (Now ASHTON does spit coffee all over himself. Growling, he grabs a handful of napkins and blots coffee off his robe.) ASHTON: Will you two kindly stop? It's useless, you're not going to change my mind. You two love to talk about 'instigating repercussions'; telling Dias that I have a crush on him would do just that. So I am not going to say a word, and neither are you. URURUN: I said nothing. ASHTON: But you were thinking it. I know you were. I can tell by now, Ururun. GYORO: In truth, Ashton-host, I was just trying to make a joke. I believe that I have a better chance with Dias than she does... ASHTON: My goodness, there are better things to make jokes about! URURUN: ... ah, here comes a breath of sanity... (ASHTON turns his head in the direction that URURUN is gazing. CELINE has just banged out of the cafe', clutching two more immensely large mugs of coffee, and is heading directly for ASHTON, smiling. Without a word, she puts one mug down in front of ASHTON and sits down across from him, sipping at her own coffee. ASHTON grabs the third mug and buries his face in it with a groan. CELINE turns and snaps her fingers at a passing busboy.) CELINE: Darling, do me a tremendous favor and remove these dishes? Please? (CELINE beams at the startled and enraptured busboy, who quickly cleans everything off the table except for CELINE and ASHTON's current coffee mugs. Then he retreats, slowly, unable to take his eyes off CELINE's magnificent cleavage. ASHTON finally puts his mug down and meets CELINE's eyes. Then, and only then, does CELINE speak.) CELINE: Good morning, darlings. I can tell you slept terribly... ASHTON: Oh, my, yes. These two would just not shut up... GYORO: I have already apologized for that! And good morning, miss Celine. CELINE: Good morning, Gyoro. Were you and your brother arguing again? URURUN: Well, if he would just see reason... GYORO: Ha! CELINE: I'll take that as a 'yes'. ASHTON: I'll take philosophical arguments any day over trying to convince me to bare my soul to Dias. URURUN: Well, you ought to tell him. ASHTON: Enough! CELINE: Ashton's right, you two. Leave him alone, it's his decision. ASHTON: Thank you, Celine. CELINE: ... although I do believe you'd be much happier if you'd just come clean with him. ASHTON: Argh! Not you too, I can't stand it! CELINE: I'm sorry, darling. But you know how I feel. You can't just bottle things like this up... not when there's even the slightest chance... ASHTON: You three won't ever be happy until I come clean and he runs me through! GYORO: Oh, he would not do such a thing. If he can put up with Precis and not kill her, he can certainly deal with you. Well. Us. CELINE: ... Precis? (ASHTON, GYORO, and URURUN quickly fill CELINE in. After just a moment, CELINE is spluttering laughter in her coffee.) CELINE: Oh my. Poor Dias! Precis nearly drove poor darling Claude to distraction last year with her little crush on him... GYORO: Exactly why Ashton-host ought to take the advantage! Dias would be ever so grateful for the chance to rid himself of Precis... ASHTON: Enough! Please! I'm not telling Dias anything, neither are any of you, and that's final! URURUN: Incoming... (Everyone looks in the direction that URURUN is facing. Here comes RENA... she's waving from across the square, but she looks a little uncertain.) CELINE: Speaking of crushes... ASHTON: Really? Rena has a crush on someone? Who? (CELINE says nothing, just stares at ASHTON with a faint smile on her face. ASHTON's eyes go wide as saucers.) ASHTON: ... me? CELINE: (hurriedly) We'll talk later, darling. (And CELINE stops speaking, just as RENA hurries up to them. ASHTON looks boggled. RENA is trying to smile widely, but her eyes keep darting to CELINE, who sits back casually and lets RENA have a nice eyeful of cleavage. URURUN's 'awrk' sounds an awful lot like a stifled laugh.) RENA: Good morning, Celine! Ashton and I had a date to go check out this lovely little jeweler's in the marketplace... (ASHTON winces, hard, on the use of the word 'date'. While RENA's head is turned away from him, ASHTON flashes CELINE a desperate, pleading glance. CELINE barely acknowledges the look, a faint flash of her eyes the only sign, and moves to do what ASHTON seems to be pleading for.) CELINE: Really! That sounds lovely! Would you mind terribly if I tagged along, dear? I haven't bought myself any new pretties in so long... RENA: Well... I... ASHTON: (falsely hearty) Of course not, Celine! You're more than welcome to come along, I always appreciate your taste in things... my, I've had three cups of coffee, I'm ready to go! GYORO: Awoork. (RENA looks a bit disappointed, but she valiantly tries to hide it. ASHTON and CELINE finish their coffee and stand up, trading significant glances. The three (or five) of them set off across the square, RENA trying to walk close to ASHTON, ASHTON trying to stick close to CELINE, and CELINE trying to ignore the maneuvering.) (SCENE: CELINE's largish room, in the Cross inn, about three hours later. The room contains two double beds, and it's fairly cheerful; there's a large window overlooking the grassy knoll at the center of Cross. CELINE is here, perched decoratively on the windowsill, gazing out at the town. ASHTON is also here, sitting cross-legged on one of the beds, with his boots kicked off; GYORO and URURUN are curled up on ASHTON's shoulders, apparently sleeping. ASHTON is wearing a new ring, a heavy polished gold band inlaid with Crests in red enamel, and he can't stop fiddling with it. CELINE has on a slender crystal pendant, about the length of her finger; the crystal is perfectly positioned just over her cleavage, shedding dancing rainbows over CELINE's impressive breasts whenever she moves. The sight would be devastating to most males, but ASHTON doesn't seem to care.) CELINE: It's not that she's said anything, darling, but... it's so easy to tell. This is exactly how she used to act around poor darling Claude before they had that fight... and you are an attractive man. ASHTON: (sourly) Ha. CELINE: Now, darling, I'm quite serious. You are my dearest friend, and I wouldn't dare lie to you. You are attractive, and don't think I haven't noticed! (ASHTON blinks, and abruptly starts to look quite nervous. GYORO grunts in his sleep. CELINE simply rolls her eyes and flaps one hand in ASHTON's direction.) CELINE: No, no, don't fret. I value you far too much as a friend and confidante to ever do anything about it. You're the only man in town who can talk sensibly to me, without talking to my cleavage... And I certainly don't have what it takes to compete with Dias! ASHTON: (relieved) ... heh. Noel doesn't talk to your cleavage... CELINE: Darling, Noel doesn't talk sense... ASHTON: ... and Dias doesn't talk to your cleavage... CELINE: Dias doesn't talk! At all! ASHTON: Hey, that's hardly true, he said two words to me this morning... no, wait, four! (They share a brief laugh. Shortly, ASHTON subsides, twisting his ring about his finger again.) ASHTON: ... so what do I do about Rena, Celine? CELINE: ... ride it out, dear. She won't be interested in you forever, and she certainly won't attack you... just pretend you don't know anything about it, and she'll eventually give up. Or you could just tell her you're not interested, save us all the trouble... ASHTON: It seems so cruel, though. I mean, I love Rena... as a friend... she's always been so nice to me... CELINE: I know, darling. Rena's a wonderful girl, and if you weren't... well... if you weren't Ashton I would encourage you to think about it. But you wouldn't be happy with Rena, and we both know that. ASHTON: If only Rena knew it... CELINE: (pointedly) Well, dear, that's why you have to tell people things. If you hang around silently and wait for them to figure things out, it's all too painful and drawn out... (ASHTON groans.) ASHTON: Oh, Celine, not you too. CELINE: (relenting) I'm sorry, dear. But you know how I feel about it. ASHTON: I do, I do. But... it's ridiculous, he wouldn't care, Dias doesn't care about anything... even if he did care, he'd be caring about killing me. This will all blow over in a few weeks, and then I can get on with my life. (CELINE opens her mouth to say something, but stops, as we hear some guy singing terribly offkey in the hallway outside, approaching CELINE's door at a slow and meandering pace. ASHTON and CELINE glance at each other, amused. After a moment, the owner of the voice is right outside the door, warbling out one last verse of whatever it was he was singing before he thumps on the door. CELINE gets up to answer the door, but before she can even get there:) ASHTON: (loudly) Hello, Noel! (CELINE pulls the door open, revealing, yes, a fuzzily beaming NOEL. NOEL looks dazed and cheerful, wearing a shiny new green vest and simply reeking of a familiarly earthy smoke.) NOEL: Uh. Hey. Celine. Ashton. Yeah. Hi. CELINE: Hello, Noel darling! What can I do for you? NOEL: Uh... ooooh, shiny... (NOEL reaches out and picks up CELINE's new pendant from its 'nest', completely oblivious to CELINE's cleavage. NOEL turns the pendant over and over in his hands, making little 'ooooh' sounds and watching the rainbows dance.) CELINE: ... Noel? Did you want something, dear? NOEL: Uh... oh yeah. I... uh... I... I forgot what it was... CELINE: Oh, that's too bad. Do you want to come in, dear? Maybe you'll remember... NOEL: No... that's cool... I'll just go... see you guys at dinner... (NOEL waves vaguely and meanders off, still beaming. After a moment, we can faintly hear the sounds of NOEL colliding with someone.) NOEL: (faintly) Oh, wow, man, I'm sorry... so, like, not cool of me... FEMALE VOICE: (equally faint) Don't worry about it, Noel! My goodness, are you smoking that stuff again? Wait, wait, wait, were you in Celine's room?! (Upon hearing that voice, ASHTON leaps off the bed and throws himself into CELINE's closet, yanking the door shut after him. CELINE closes her door as quickly and as quietly as she can, kicking ASHTON's boots under the bed. Almost immediately, someone knocks, a sharp demanding rapping. CELINE closes her eyes, takes a single deep breath, and opens the door, revealing CHISATO. CHISATO has a curious glitter in her eyes and a small half-smile on her face.) CELINE: Chisato! What can I do for you, darling? CHISATO: Hello, Celine! Was Noel just here? CELINE: Oh, yes, darling, he stopped by to ask me something and then forgot what it was... poor dear Noel... he just left, though, if you're looking for him... CHISATO: ... oh, I see... CELINE: I do worry about the poor man... I think he's smoking altogether too much of that stuff. Perhaps we ought to have a talk with him... especially after that silly misunderstanding he had with Precis... (CHISATO goes rigid, and the glitter in her eyes becomes a fervent gleam. She licks her lips unconsciously. CELINE pretends to be shocked, placing her fingertips over her lips in a parody of embarrassment.) CELINE: Oh, dear, I really shouldn't have said anything... it's really none of my business... CHISATO: Noel... and Precis? Oh my... CELINE: Oh, Chisato darling, it wasn't anything like that... It was completely innocent, I swear to you. Please forget I ever said anything... CHISATO: (so insincerely it hurts) Oh, I won't breathe a word to anyone, Celine dear, don't worry! (And CHISATO whirls around and races off in the same direction that NOEL went.) CHISATO: (faintly, in the distance) Noel! Wait! (CELINE quietly closes the door, then collapses against it, giggling. From behind the louvered closet door we can hear someone desperately stifling snickers.) CELINE: You can come out now, dear, she's gone! (ASHTON steps out of the closet, hand clapped over his mouth. GYORO and URURUN are now awake, and look confused.) ASHTON: Oh my, that was so cruel... CELINE: Well, dear, she obviously wasn't going to leave until she had something to gossip about, and better Precis than me. Or worse, us. It's like I always say, darling, better anyone than me! GYORO: I would have to agree... it's unlikely that Noel will care one way or the other. Or even understand what she's insinuating. URURUN: And if we are truly lucky, Dias will get wind of the rumor. ASHTON: Oh nooo! Oh my! Oh, that would be... CELINE: ... absolutely wonderful? ASHTON: ... yes! (Both CELINE and ASHTON burst out laughing. After a moment:) ASHTON: (sobering) But I rather hope he doesn't... I can't ever tell what Dias is thinking. He might try to kill Noel, or something... CELINE: Dias wouldn't do that, dear. If Dias kills anyone, ever, it'll be Precis. URURUN: And good riddance. ASHTON: Hush, Ururun. I sincerely hope he doesn't. CELINE: Oh, stop being so serious. ASHTON: Precis is annoying, but she doesn't deserve that. CELINE: She doesn't deserve your man either, dear. ASHTON: (a bit aggrieved) Celine... CELINE: (relenting) All right, all right, I'm sorry. Anyway, darling, you know I always enjoy your company, but I think I had best get a nap in... Claude and I have a little rendezvous scheduled for the wee hours, and I'd best be fresh. ASHTON: You know, some day, Chisato's going to catch you two at it. CELINE: But until then, I am determined to have fun. ASHTON: Ah, fun. I remember fun. I'll see you at dinner, Celine. (ASHTON fetches his boots from under the bed and puts them on. CELINE watches this, a bit sadly, then pulls the fully-dressed ASHTON into a fierce, friendly hug.) CELINE: Don't let it get to you, Ashton... you just do what you need to, all right, darling? ASHTON: ... how can anyone possibly know what I need to do, when I don't? (And with that, ASHTON leaves, gently closing the door behind him. CELINE stares at the door for a moment, then sighs.) (SCENE: Dinner, that night, at the restaurant in the inn. Everyone is here, sitting around a long table. ASHTON is seated directly across from DIAS, which does nothing for his well-being; PRECIS is down at one end of the table, fairly far away from DIAS, which does even less for hers. RENA sits next to PRECIS. CLAUDE and CELINE are sitting next to one another. NOEL is still beaming fuzzily at everyone. CHISATO sits at the other end of the table, watching both NOEL and PRECIS keenly.) CLAUDE: ... it feels so nice to just... rest. CELINE: Oh, definitely, darling. I've missed sleeping. Sleeping in. Sleeping with... er. Never mind, darlings. (CHISATO's eyes instantly snap from NOEL to CELINE. ASHTON hurriedly jumps into the conversation.) ASHTON: Oh, my, yes... I feel as if I've been running for years... NOEL: Huh? Oh... yeah... (Crisis averted, for the moment. CHISATO goes back to staring narrow-eyed at NOEL. Everyone else settles down to their food, chatting inconsequentially with each other. After a few minutes, DIAS locks eyes with ASHTON again. ASHTON's ears pinken.) DIAS: ...pass the salt. (Hypnotized, not looking away from DIAS' steady gaze, ASHTON gropes along the table until he finds the salt shaker, then holds it out. DIAS' hand flashes out and wraps around the salt shaker, two of his fingers grazing along ASHTON's hand for just a second as he casually plucks the salt shaker from ASHTON's hand and drops his gaze back to his plate. ASHTON drops his gaze to his plate as well and trembles for a moment. GYORO sticks his head up under ASHTON's cape.) GYORO: (quietly and muffled) Are you all right, Ashton-host? ASHTON: (very quietly) Nnnngh. (GYORO emerges from beneath ASHTON's cape, looking a bit worried, then butts his head lightly against ASHTON's cheek. ASHTON twitches, just a bit, and then starts eating, resolutely not looking up from his plate.) (SCENE: Out on the town green, after supper. The area is well-lit, and people lounge about, enjoying the night and the weather. Children are running about and yelling, tripping over people. ASHTON and CELINE are sitting here, too.) ASHTON: I just wish he didn't have to lock eyes with me to say something. But he always does that... lock eyes, stare, say whatever it is... CELINE: Oh, I can imagine, darling. I'm not the slightest bit interested in him, but when he locks eyes with me, my knees just get all wobbly. ASHTON: I know... and all he said was 'pass the salt'! I am such an idiot. And then he touched my hand... well, he was just taking the saltcellar, but... oh, my heart just stopped. CELINE: My goodness, darling. You really are lost, aren't you? (ASHTON buries his face in his hands.) ASHTON: ... yes. (CLAUDE wanders up and flops out on the grass next to ASHTON, tucking his hands behind his head and staring up at the stars. ASHTON quickly lifts his head from his hands and smooths his features over.) CELINE: Hello, Claude darling! CLAUDE: Hey, you two. What's up? ASHTON: Very, very little... nice night, isn't it? CLAUDE: Very nice... hey, can I ask you guys something? CELINE: Of course, darling! What is it? CLAUDE: What's up with Precis recently? She's been ignoring me completely. Um, not that I mind or anything, but it used to be I couldn't turn around without tripping over her... ASHTON: ... er. CELINE: Claude... darling... Precis has found herself another little crush. CLAUDE: Oh, man, poor guy. Who? ASHTON: ... Dias. (Pause. Then CLAUDE starts whooping with laughter, rolling about on the grass and slowly turning pink. Most of the people nearby turn to stare at the group.) CLAUDE: Dias?! Oh, that's priceless! Couldn't happen to a nicer guy! (ASHTON attempts to grin, although the result is a bit strained. CELINE places one hand lightly over her mouth and giggles. Eventually, CLAUDE starts to wind down, although little snorts of laughter keep escaping him. NOEL wanders up, foggy mind attracted by the loud noise, and promptly trips over CLAUDE's outstretched legs, landing heavily on ASHTON in a graceless tangle of arms and legs.) ASHTON: Ooof! GYORO: Awrk! NOEL: Oh, wow, dude, I'm sorry! You okay? ASHTON: (laughing a little despite himself) I will be if you get off! (ASHTON pushes NOEL off, not unkindly. NOEL rolls to a stop and sits up, blinking dazedly, his legs sprawled out over CLAUDE's. After a moment, CLAUDE casually kicks NOEL's legs off his, and NOEL is jerked helplessly around again, finally coming to a rest opposite ASHTON.) NOEL: Whoa. Man. Most uncool of me. I'm, uh... wow, man, I'm sorry. ASHTON: My goodness, Noel. How much of that stuff do you smoke, anyway? NOEL: Uh... I dunno... a lot? CLAUDE: Seriously, Noel. That much... whatever it is can't be good for you. CELINE: Really, darling. (CELINE leans forward and puts her hand on NOEL's arm. NOEL blinks fuzzily at CELINE and then offers her his most charming smile, a loopy beaming infectious grin. Instinctively, CELINE smiles back.) CELINE: Noel, darling, you haven't been coherent at all since we got back to Expel... I do worry about you... (NOEL seems to sober, ever so slightly.) NOEL: Yeah... well... it, uh, it helps, you know? I mean, you gotta know how it is, right? The place I came from is kinda just gone... and everybody I used to know is gone... so... you know. It helps... (A brief and uneasy silence falls. CELINE squeezes NOEL's arm and sits back. ASHTON reaches down and touches the grass he's sitting on, as if to reassure himself that the planet is still here.) NOEL: ... I mean, I used to have parents, you know? And friends... now I got something to smoke, and it... it's not the same, but it's... something? (NOEL blinks at the three stunned people in front of him, then incongruously offers them that loopy grin again. It's definitely not as infectious this time, though. After a moment, CELINE scoots over and puts her arms around NOEL, hugging him tightly.) CELINE: ... I'm sorry, darling. I am. NOEL: Yeah... me too. (NOEL leans his head against CELINE's shoulder. ASHTON looks away, faintly embarrassed. GYORO leans over and sniffs at NOEL's hair, then sneezes repeatedly. Across the green, unnoticed by the little group, CHISATO is watching; as soon as CELINE puts her arms around NOEL, sparks fly in CHISATO's eyes. CHISATO smiles a small, excited smile, scribbling something down in her notebook.) (SCENE: Another room in the Cross inn, on the same evening. This room is slightly smaller, with two single beds. RENA is here, sitting cross-legged at the head of one bed; PRECIS is sitting cross-legged at the foot of the same bed, staring at RENA helplessly.) PRECIS: I can't help it, though, he's so pretty~! Please, Rena? Pleeeeeeeeeeeease~? (PRECIS flails her arms, having apparently been told that this is cute.) RENA: I... I'm just not sure, Precis. I mean, I've know Dias for a long time, I just don't know if he'd be interested... PRECIS: But I know he is! He's just too shy to say so, and maybe he doesn't know that I'm interested too! Please, Rena, just talk to him for me~? I'll be your best friiiiiiend... RENA: ... I... I guess I can talk to him, Precis, but... don't get your hopes up, okay? I mean... Dias is Dias. (RENA shrugs, eyeing PRECIS and biting her lower lip. PRECIS beams and throws herself forward, hugging RENA fiercely.) PRECIS: Thank you, Rena~! You're the best! I owe you so much... RENA: ... well, there is something you can do for me, in return... PRECIS: Oooh~! Tell meeeee~! RENA: Well, you see, it's like this... (SCENE: An hour or so later, in the little grassy courtyard out behind the inn. DIAS is here, alone and probably grateful for it, sitting on a low stone wall, staring off into the sunset, and not appearing to be thinking about much of anything. A moment later, NOEL stumbles out through the back door, weaving back and forth in his highly stoned fog, and promptly trips over DIAS' outstretched legs, crashing to the ground in a most ungraceful manner.) NOEL: Ow!... wow, man, 'm sorry, didn't even see you there... DIAS: ... NOEL: You okay, man? Didn't mean to, you know, hurt you or anything. DIAS: ... I'm fine. (NOEL, finding the ground reasonably comfortable, abruptly decides to stay sprawled out at DIAS' feet, much to DIAS' displeasure. NOEL, oblivious, tucks his hand behind his head and stares up at the sky and DIAS.) NOEL: So what's up, man? You look majorly serious and all... on a downer? DIAS: ... nothing. NOEL: ... oh, I get it, man. DIAS: Get what? NOEL: Love trouble, right, man? Someone's got a thing for you and you don't know what to do about it? I hear you, man. I've so been there... (DIAS looks somewhere between shocked and disgusted for a moment, apparently having PRECIS-flashbacks. NOEL, oblivious, prattles on.) NOEL: But don't worry, man, I won't, you know, tell anybody. And you know he'll get over you eventually, if that's what you want, right? You don't have to do anything and he'll just faaaaaaade away... (NOEL's last words fade off into a very stoned little giggle. DIAS' original expression fades, becoming quizzical.) DIAS: ... he? NOEL: Oh, yeah, man, it's cool, you don't have to play innocent with me, you know? 'Cause I know. I'm not stupid, just stoned... besides, Ashton seems like a nice guy and all, right? And cute, you know? But, I mean, maybe you're not, um, that way and all... (DIAS now looks downright confused and can't seem to stop staring at NOEL. Eventually, this starts to filter through the fog in NOEL's brain.) DIAS: Ashton? What about Ashton? NOEL: What do you mean, what about Ashton? Isn't he who I've been talking about? DIAS: ... (NOEL is quiet for a moment, while things filter verrrrrry slowwwwwly through his fogged-up excuse for a brain.) NOEL: Wait... you really don't know what I'm talking about, do you, man? DIAS: ... ... ... ... no. NOEL: Huh. Weird. Don't they have guys like that where you come from? DIAS: ... (NOEL slaps his forehead.) NOEL: Oh, duh, course they do, Ashton's from where you come from, right? Anyway, look, man, my gaydar isn't the greatest, but... DIAS: ... gaydar? NOEL: Yeah, it's kind of a play on 'radar', only... DIAS: ... radar? NOEL: ... you know what, man, never mind. Look, Ashton's a guy who likes guys, okay? DIAS: ... NOEL: Oh, you know, likes 'em likes 'em. DIAS: ... oh. NOEL: Yeah, man. And I think he likes you likes you like that, you know? DIAS: ... NOEL: ... uh... you know what, I think maybe I should shut up, huh? DIAS: ... (NOEL, having finally acquired something not unlike a Clue, staggers to his feet as quickly as he can.) NOEL: Look, don't mind me, just pretend I didn't say anything, okay, man? I'm probably wrong, you know? My brain doesn't work so good on this stuff, right? DIAS: ... (NOEL starts backing off, hands raised as if to ward DIAS off.) NOEL: Yeah, so, anyway, man, have, uh, have a nice night and all... don't mind me... just, uh, shooting my mouth off, man... (With one last slightly guilty look over his shoulder, NOEL meanders into the inn. DIAS sits there staring at nothing for a few more moments, his expression completely unreadable, then abruptly stands up and wraps his cloak around his shoulders, heading into the inn after NOEL.) ~INTERMISSION~ (SCENE: The next afternoon. CELINE's room, down the south hallway. Currently CELINE and ASHTON are here, sitting on the beds. ASHTON looks terrible; if anything, the purple bags under his eyes are larger, and even the dragons seem a bit droopy.) CELINE: Another sleepless night, darling? (ASHTON groans and scrubs at his eyes.) ASHTON: Worse, I'm afraid. Rena spent simply hours in my room last night chatting about this and that... GYORO: And waiting for Ashton-host to sweep her off her feet and declare his eternal love, I suspect. ASHTON: Gyoro! URURUN: What? It is true, and you know it to be so. She kept finding excuses to inch just a bit closer... (ASHTON shuts his eyes and sighs. CELINE makes appropriate sympathetic noises.) ASHTON: It's true, I'm afraid. And I know you're waiting on Claude, so I should go, but I'm so distressed... CELINE: Oh, darling, no, it's quite all right. You can certainly at least stay until he arrives... (CELINE is interrupted by a knock on the door.) RENA: (through the door) Celine? Are you here? ASHTON: (strangled little voice) ... oh dear. (ASHTON and CELINE spare each other a single glance before the somewhat panicked ASHTON leaps off the bed and into the now-familiar closet, pulling the louvered doors closed behind himself. Once he's safely hidden, CELINE stands up and crosses to the door, opening it.) CELINE: Rena!... Precis. Please, come in, darlings... (RENA and PRECIS enter the room, both looking a bit overwrought. CELINE makes little shooing motions, encouraging them to sit down on the spare bed. She spares a glance for the closet; all seems well there.) RENA: Celine, we... PRECIS: We need your help! Please, Celine! Pleeeeease?! (CELINE barely blinks. Her hands rise, toying with the crystal pendant she's wearing around her neck.) CELINE: Well, gracious, darlings, you'll have to tell me what you need first... RENA: ... it's about Ashton. (There's a faint intake of breath from behind the closet door. Fortunately, only CELINE notices, flicking her eyes towards the closet door.) PRECIS: And Dias! (Another, slightly louder sound from inside the closet. CELINE covers it by clearing her throat in a ladylike manner.) CELINE: Oh, goodness, dears. Here, come sit down, tell me all about it. (They do, RENA and PRECIS sitting on one bed, CELINE sitting on the other.) RENA: Well, you see... we're... well, we're trying to get up our nerves to tell the boys how we feel about them... (Very small indignant snort from the closet. CELINE nods understandingly.) PRECIS: And what we were going to do was help each otherrrrrrr~! I was going to tell Ashton how Rena felt, and Rena was going to tell Dias how I felt... RENA: But we just can't do it, Celine. Not even that way. We thought maybe... PRECIS: (interrupting) ... would you tell them for us? Pleeeeeeeeeease?! We'd love you for ever and ever and to little bitsy pieces and you always know just what to say and I'm sure you could tell them in a way that would make them understand why they have to like us toooooo~! (CELINE, looking a tad overwhelmed in the face of this speech, opens her mouth to reply. She is 'saved' when, suddenly, there's a knock on the door. CELINE stiffens, then flaps both hands at RENA and PRECIS.) CELINE: (under her breath) Quickly, darlings! Under the bed! RENA: (instinctively lowering her own voice) ... what? Why? CELINE: ... ... ... it might be Chisato! And if she finds us all in here she'll think we're gossiping, and she'll demand to know what we're talking about... (Without a single word both RENA and PRECIS dive under the bed they were just sitting on. CELINE squares her shoulders and goes to open the door, revealing... DIAS. Not precisely the CLAUDE she was expecting.) CELINE: ... ... Dias! Darling! What can I do for you? (Muffled moan from the closet. Twin muffled gasps from under the bed. CELINE covers all this with a small ladylike laugh.) DIAS: ... let me in. (Rather reluctantly, CELINE does. DIAS stalks into CELINE's room and closes the door behind himself, seemingly paying no attention to anything. CELINE sort of sidles along, trying to keep herself between DIAS, the closet, and the bed.) CELINE: All right, darling, you're in. What is it that you need? DIAS: ... you and Ashton are good friends, right? CELINE: ... well, yes, darling, I certainly like to think so. DIAS: Is he in love with me? (The strangled sound from the closet is completely indescribable. Dead silence from under the bed. If DIAS heard the sound from the closet, he doesn't show it. CELINE helplessly glances from the bed to the closet to the bed to DIAS.) CELINE: (after a pause) Well, I can't say for certain, darling, but he's never said so in so many words. DIAS: (flatly) ... ah. So he isn't. CELINE: I didn't say that, did I? All I can say is that Ashton keeps his own counsel about some things, darling, and if he's madly deeply in love with you, he's never come out and said so. (Moan from the closet. Little confused sounds from under the bed.) CELINE: Gracious, darling, where did you ever hear such a thing, anyway? DIAS: (abruptly enigmatic) A little Nedian told me. So it isn't true? CELINE: I assure you, darling... (CELINE is interrupted by yet another knock at the door. Her eyes go wide, then she grabs DIAS by the back of his cloak and hauls him over to the bed that RENA and PRECIS are not under.) CELINE: Quickly, darling! Under the bed! It might be Chisato! If she finds you here... well, not that you're not a simply breathtaking man, but I'd prefer not to be her little target... DIAS: ... I am not... (DIAS' words are more or less forcibly interrupted as CELINE grabs him by the shoulders and forces him under the bed in a fit of hysterical strength.) CELINE: (under her breath) You stay right there and do not make a sound, do you hear me, Mr. Flac? If I hear so much as a peep out of you I will... I will... I will set that bed on fire! DIAS: (under the bed) ... right. (CELINE, now completely frazzled, shoves both hands through her hair and races to answer the door. And in comes CLAUDE, immediately throwing his arms around her.) CLAUDE: Celine, darling, if you do not kiss me right now I'll swear I'll die. (A perfectly outraged gasp comes from the bed under which RENA and PRECIS are hiding, and the dust ruffle begins to move ominously. A hand pops out from under the bed and claws at the carpet as RENA struggles to pull herself out from under the bed and confront CLAUDE; CELINE deals with this threat by stomping on RENA's hand, hard. There is a muffled squawk of pain and the hand disappears. CELINE's glance flies from the bed with DIAS under it, to the bed with RENA and PRECIS under it, to the closet with ASHTON in it, and within a second makes up her mind, shoving CLAUDE forcibly away.) CELINE: (in a voice spiraling out of control with nerves) Claude Kenni! I do not know where you learned such loathsome manners, but if you wish to tell a woman that you're interested in her, mauling her is not the answer! CLAUDE: (completely befuddled, as well he should be) ... Celine?... CELINE: (desperately) Honestly! Pushing into my room without permission and grabbing me! Could you not think of a better way to tell me that you found me attractive? It certainly won't make me receptive! (CLAUDE looks confused for a moment longer. He opens his mouth to reply, but his words are abruptly cut off by, yes, yet another knock at the door. CELINE utters a little strangled scream and stomps over to the door, yanking it open, revealing a glittering-eyed CHISATO.) CELINE: What?! CHISATO: Celine! I was just passing by and I thought I heard raised voi... why, Claude! What are you doing here? CLAUDE: I... uh... I... (CHISATO's eyes develop that telltale glitter. CELINE quite visibly snaps.) CELINE: ... well, darling, I'll tell you what he's doing here. He's been trying for weeks to get up the courage to tell you how he feels about you... CLAUDE: I what? CHISATO: ... about me? CELINE: Well, yes, darling. And he's been coming to me for advice and moral support! Don't tell me it wasn't completely obvious to you, you're so observant... CLAUDE: I what? CELINE: And I'm afraid I quite lost my temper with him and was telling him to just hurry up and say something, darling. And now he won't have to, because of your excellent timing. CLAUDE: (now completely boggled) ... Celine?... CHISATO: ... ... ... ... oh my! (With a grand and incredibly irritated gesture CELINE shoves CLAUDE into CHISATO's arms. CHISATO, eyes all aglitter, catches him. CLAUDE splutters and flails his arms.) CELINE: There you are, darlings! Now shoo and go work things out somewhere else, won't you? I have a terrible headache... (CELINE more or less shoves the stunned CLAUDE and the startled-but-ecstatic CHISATO out the door, slamming it behind them. After a moment, running footsteps are heard, one pair starting and another following two steps later. CELINE grits her teeth and stomps over to the bed, yanking a very dusty DIAS out from underneath it.) CELINE: Darling, if you want to know the truth, this affair of yours doesn't concern me in the slightest. If you want to know if Ashton is in love with you, ask Ashton, not me. DIAS: ... (Another strangled moan sounds from the closet.) CELINE: And now, if you don't mind, I've had quite enough excitement for one day. DIAS: ... so have I. (DIAS yanks his cloak about his shoulders and exits the room, slamming the door behind him. CELINE takes a single deep breath and extricates a scowling RENA and a startled PRECIS from under the other bed.) RENA: (rubbing her hand) That... that... that... that Claude! Ooooooh I hate him so much! PRECIS: ... but Ashton couldn't like Dias! Not like thaaaaat~! That's si~ck! CELINE: ... darlings, I will be all too glad to help you some other time, but right now I have a terrible headache... PRECIS: What will I do if Ashton steals my Dias from meeeee~?! Dias doesn't know that I love him baaaack yet~! I have to tell him soooooon~! RENA: I will never forgive him! Just... pouncing on you like that! So forward! CELINE: Fine, darling. Fine. Just... do be a dear and go somewhere else to never forgive him? Please? (CELINE tiredly shoos RENA and PRECIS out the door, closes the door, locks it, and finally -- finally! -- goes to let a completely overwhelmed ASHTON out of the closet. Completely incapable of noticing CELINE's incredibly frazzled state--being more than a little frazzled himself--ASHTON clutches at CELINE's shoulders and wails, accidently shaking her back and forth a little.) ASHTON: ... oh my! Oh dear! Oh no! I can't believe Chisato told him... oh Celine, what am I going to do?! (CELINE tiredly disengages ASHTON's hands from her shoulders, with a gesture that speaks of very limited patience.) CELINE: (through gritted teeth) I really don't know, darling. But I suggest you think of something very, very quickly. URURUN: For my part, I counsel running away. GYORO: For once, dear brother, I concur. ASHTON: I... yes, I might very well be with you. CELINE: Ohhhh, don't you dare, darling. Darlings. After all this trouble? After all this? After I did such a horrible thing to poor dear lost Claude? If you run out rather than grab this chance to find some happiness, I will... I will tell him that you despise him and I will take him for myself. Darling. (ASHTON swallows, eyes wide and shocked. He lets go of CELINE as if she were suddenly too hot to touch and stumbles back a step or two. CELINE grits her teeth and juts her breasts out in ASHTON's general direction, almost like a threat.) CELINE: Don't think I can't do it. Darling. ASHTON: ... I should... I should go now. (CELINE gives ASHTON a very, very flat look, one that speaks of meteors in his future.) CELINE: Yes, darling. I think you should. (ASHTON, humbled and shamed, edges out through the door. The minute his feet hit hallway he races away. CELINE slams the door shut behind him and collapses against it... and after two gasping breaths dissolves into hysterical giggles.) CELINE: Oh, poor Ashton, poor Claude, I'm so... hee hee hee... I'm so sorry, darlings... (SCENE: In the back hallway leading up to the inn's restaurant, just five minutes later. CHISATO is here, looking somewhat confused and upset, confronting a very stoned and equally confused NOEL.) CHISATO: Have... you... seen... Claude? It's not a difficult question, Noel! NOEL: ... man. Can't remember if I saw him, like, recently... (ASHTON comes storming up, walking fast enough to make the exasperated dragons bounce up and down on his shoulders.) ASHTON: (ignoring NOEL completely) Chisato! How could you? GYORO: Awrk! NOEL: ... uh. Hey?... CHISATO: ... how could I what? ASHTON: I know you're a gossip fanatic, but how could you be so cruel as to tell Dias that I had a crush on him? How did you even know? I wasn't that obvious, and I certainly didn't tell you... (ASHTON's voice trails off as CHISATO slowly turns to face him, that 'on the track of truly terrific gossip' look shining on her face. Neither of them are paying any attention to NOEL at all, which is a good thing, given the immediate look of guilt and shame that blossoms on his normally cheerful face.) ASHTON: ... Chisato? CHISATO: ... you. Have a crush. On Dias? (CHISATO shrieks in absolute glee. ASHTON abruptly turns gray.) CHISATO: You have a crush on Dias! I can't believe it! This is the juiciest scoop of the century! ASHTON: Chisato! Don't you dare! Oh god, you can't tell him... he already suspects! CHISATO: You admitted it to my face, Ashton! On the record! What a story...! NOEL: Um... ASHTON: (desperately) ... you are insane, you know that? Listen to me! Don't do this! Calm down! (CHISATO, bouncing gently up and down, doesn't seem to hear him.) CHISATO: And as Expel's newest and most intrepid reporter, I have to get his reaction! A statement for the press! A statement for the press! ASHTON: No! (CHISATO, eyes glittering, races off. ASHTON stares after her gape-mouthed and gray-faced, his hands groping helplessly after her as if they could stop her.) ASHTON: ... ... ... ... oh dear... GYORO: Isn't something a little stronger called for here? URURUN: Yes, like a profanity. GYORO: Or several. NOEL: ... hey... (NOEL plucks confusedly at ASHTON's sleeve. ASHTON, wringing his hands in a transport of terror, ignores him completely.) ASHTON: Oh dear... oh dear... oh dear... what do I do? GYORO: Go find Dias. URURUN: Tell him how you feel right now. ASHTON: I... GYORO: Before she does. URURUN: Don't let her put her spin on it. ASHTON: ... you're right. You're right. Oh god... (Still wailing, ASHTON races off in the other direction. NOEL blinks after him guiltily, scratching at his head.) NOEL: Oh. Um. Shit. This is bad. I should... I need help. (NOEL meanders off in the opposite direction, at a pretty good clip for someone so impaired. Shortly thereafter he reaches the south hallway, not weaving quite as much as usual, and thumps on CELINE's door. From behind the door we hear a moment of silence, then stomping footsteps, then CELINE flings the door open and screams in NOEL's face.) CELINE: What?! (NOEL squawks in mortal terror and takes two huge looping steps backwards away from CELINE, smacking into the opposite wall with a loud thump. CELINE blinks once and then reaches up to rub her forehead, composing herself.) CELINE: Oh... Noel... Noel, I'm sorry, darling. But it really has been a trying day, so unless it's terribly important... NOEL: Um, yeah, it is, it's, like, really important, you know? I came as quick as I could, man... (CELINE sighs and straightens up.) CELINE: All right, darling. What's the problem? NOEL: It's... it's... um... aw, man... CELINE: Hmm? NOEL: (scratching his head) I don't remember what it was... (SCENE: RENA's room, off the north hallway. RENA and PRECIS are here, standing just in front of the door, clasping hands with each other and looking dreadfully, painfully, adolescently earnest.) RENA: So we're agreed. PRECIS: (bouncing up and down) We won't sleep or eat or anything until we find our men and tell them how we feel~! RENA: We can't run the risk of waiting any longer! The longer we wait, the more chances we give other people to move in... PRECIS: (really, really perky) And they need to learn to keep their naughty hands off what's miiiiine~! RENA: ... well, er, yes... the time is now! PRECIS: (perky echo) The time is now! (They squeeze their handshake together solemnly, then RENA throws the door open and they both plunge out into the hallway, looking determined. Almost immediately they split up, RENA going one way, PRECIS going the other.) (SCENE: The hotel lobby. DIAS is leaning in a nice dim out-of-the-way corner here, looking sullen and somewhat dusty, ignoring passersby and trying not to be noticed. And he's succeeding admirably well for a six-foot-five swordsman with long blue hair, too. CHISATO passes by him not once, but twice, before noticing him; but finally, on her third somewhat desperate turn through the lobby, she spots him. Her eyes blaze. DIAS does a reasonable job of shrinking into the corner as she bears down on him, fists clenched, mouth stretched into a rictus of a grin.) CHISATO: (trilling voice) Diiiiiiiiiias~! Might I have a word? DIAS: ... no. (In as dignified a manner as possible DIAS makes a break for one of the exits. He doesn't quite run, but his longer legs give him the edge over CHISATO, who chases after him. Her eyes aglitter with the fervor of the hunt, CHISATO realizes that she's going to lose him at this rate, and taking a few running steps towards him she flings both her arms around his waist, trapping his arms by his sides. Outwardly, DIAS barely reacts to this. His hands clench into fists and his jaw juts out a little, but he doesn't even stop walking, dragging CHISATO wailing along behind him.) CHISATO: Wait! Stop! There's something I need to tell you! DIAS: Get. Off. Me. Now. (CHISATO, still clinging to DIAS as tightly as she can, starts digging her heels into the ground, trying to slow DIAS down. It's not really working. Suddenly:) INCREDIBLY PERKY (AND SUDDENLY VERY PISSED-OFF) VOICE: What are you doing to my Dias-snookums?! (DIAS stops dead, a rapid flicker of fear crossing his features and vanishing as quickly as it appeared. CHISATO gets her feet back under herself and looks around, confused, but doesn't let go of DIAS. Perhaps she should have. With an ear-splitting screech and whine of gears turning a gigantic metal hand swoops down and grabs CHISATO by the back of her jacket, hauling her abruptly into the air. She tries her damndest to hold on to DIAS anyway, but he's too heavy and her grip breaks, sending DIAS stumbling forward a few steps. Behind (and above) him CHISATO shrieks in outrage.) CHISATO: Put me down this instant! I have a scoop! PRECIS: (chirpy) And I have your jacket, Ms. Naughty Homewrecker! And we're going to have a little talk about manhandling my man~! Yes we are! (DIAS' face flicks through 'outrage' and 'disgust' before returning to normal. He begins to walk rapidly away from both CHISATO and PRECIS, not even bothering to look back for fear he'll be trapped into something else, and it's uncertain which of the two of them he's more averse to. He sketches a brief wave over his shoulder.) DIAS: Thanks. CHISATO: Dias! Come back! I need to talk to you! (hissed towards PRECIS) Put me down! PRECIS: Diiiiiiiiias~! Come back! I need to talk to you tooooooo~! (hissed towards CHISATO) Not in a million billion yeeeears~! (Their words just drive DIAS to walk faster, almost but not quite running by the time he dives through the archway that leads to the north hallway. CHISATO, dangling in midair, yells and kicks at the robot arm and flails, while PRECIS gazes forlornly after DIAS and sniffles a bit. DIAS, meanwhile, goes striding down the hallway at top speed, passing RENA.) RENA: Dias! Have you seen Ashton?... what is that noise? DIAS: (stopping and jerking his thumb over his shoulder) Precis. (At just this second ASHTON rounds the corner at the opposite end of the hallway. He spots DIAS and his face sets. He starts to head towards DIAS, grim and resigned, but then he spots RENA and stops dead, immediately flattening himself against the wall behind a large potted plant to hide and overhear.) RENA: Oh! Precis! She's looking for you, you know. (DIAS shudders, just the slightest bit.) DIAS: I know. RENA: (brightening) Oh! Has she already spoken to you? DIAS: ... ... sort of. RENA: That's wonderful! ... did everything... go all right? DIAS: About as well as possible. (Behind the plant, ASHTON suddenly looks sick.) RENA: So... DIAS: ... so? RENA: Oh, Dias. Are you two an item or what now? DIAS: (disbelievingly) An... item. RENA: (completely misunderstanding) Oh, Dias, that's wonderful! I wasn't expecting... I didn't think... I'm so happy for you both! Now I just have to find Ashton... have you seen him? (DIAS regards RENA askance for a few moments, then apparently decides it's not worth clearing up the mistake.) DIAS: No. If you find him... RENA: ... hm? DIAS: Tell him I'm looking for him. (The hidden ASHTON goes somewhere between white and green. For her part, RENA suddenly looks very, very nervous.) RENA: But... Precis! DIAS: What about her? RENA: You can't ask Ashton about that now! Not when you and Precis... DIAS: (overriding RENA) ... what do you mean... 'that'? (RENA belatedly remembers that DIAS doesn't know she overheard that and claps both hands to her mouth.) RENA: (muffled) Nothing! Never mind! I'll... I'll tell him! DIAS: ... thank you. (RENA turns to go into the lobby, where the commotion is just as loud as ever, and now seems to involve additional hapless people. DIAS continues on down the hallway, which will, in a few steps, take him right past where ASHTON is hiding. ASHTON steels himself. Just as he's about to step out, RENA turns around.) RENA: Dias, I... Gyoro? Ururun! Ashton! There you are! (Horrified, ASHTON looks up. Sure enough, the dragons' heads are both poking up above the top of the plant in plain sight. They both look down at him and make that odd shrugging motion again. DIAS turns to the exposed ASHTON and starts to say something, but ASHTON quickly overrides him.) ASHTON: I'msorryexcusemegottagonowbutIwouldliketotalktoyousoon! (ASHTON bolts. DIAS is left blinking after him in mild confusion. RENA, not being nearly so restrained, bolts after him.) RENA: Ashton! Waiiiiiit! I need to talk to you! (SCENE: The south hallway. NOEL is meandering down the hallway here, with an exasperated yet interested CELINE in tow. NOEL is waving both hands and talking to himself.) NOEL: And so I came this way, and... um... that means I was... I was... here. (NOEL stops abruptly. CELINE nearly crashes into him. NOEL revolves slowly in place a couple of times, looking at the familiar section of hallway.) NOEL: I was here, that was it. And... um... Chisato. Chisato was... asking me about... something. I don't think that part was important... (CELINE tries not to burst out screaming, or shake NOEL until his teeth rattle, or anything counterproductive like that. NOEL continues to rotate.) NOEL: And she was asking me about. Um. Something. Claude! That was it. She wanted to know where Claude was. CELINE: (very small voice) Oh. Claude. (normally) Was that the problem? NOEL: Noooo, I don't think so... so she was asking me about Claude, man, and then... um... oh! Right! Ashton came up! And boy, was he ever mad. CELINE: ... Ashton? Mad? NOEL: Oh, yeah, man. I couldn't believe it either, you know? But he was just steamin'. Anyway, he, um. He... he accused Chisato of something... (A little light goes on in CELINE's brain as she puts a few things together.) CELINE: Of telling Dias that Ashton had a crush on him, right? (The same little light, a lot dimmer, goes on in NOEL's brain.) NOEL: Yeah, man, that was it! I remember now! He musta thought it was Chisato because that's, uh, a really Chisato thing to do but I, uh, I'm kinda the one who told Dias about it, I didn't mean to, I thought he knew already, it was really obvious and all, man... CELINE: Wait, you told D... oh, darling. 'A little Nedian'. Oh, and we both misunderstood... NOEL: Right, man, and Chisato hadn't known until Ashton said something... (The beginnings of horror, sympathy, and guilt start to leak into CELINE's face.) CELINE: Oh, no... oh poor dear Ashton... Chisato probably jumped all over that... (NOEL nods vigorously, shoving both hands through his hair.) NOEL: Oh, yeah, man, and then she ran off, said she was going to get Dias' reaction to the news, and Ashton kinda freaked and the dragons told him to go tell Dias first and he ran off too. (CELINE, now horribly guilty, doesn't seem to notice NOEL's allegation that the dragons talk.) CELINE: Oh, dear. How awful... wait, darling. You said that Ashton was going to go tell Dias about how he felt? NOEL: Well, yeah, something like that. He was... um... supposed to go tell Dias before Chisato could, you know? Man. I don't blame him. (CELINE smacks one fist into the palm of her other hand, decisively.) CELINE: All right, darling. We can still salvage this. But I need your help. NOEL: Oh, sure, man, anything. I shouldn't have said anything to Dias, I feel terrible, man... CELINE: We'll worry about that later, darling. Here's what I want you to do... (SCENE: The lobby. It's a shambles. PRECIS is still standing here, arms crossed over her chest, scowling up at CHISATO, who is still dangling from the huge robotic arm sticking out of PRECIS' backpack. CHISATO is no longer struggling, only yelling at the top of her lungs about 'freedom of the press' and other such mostly incoherent things. A passel of hotel employees is fluttering about uselessly, trying to get CHISATO down, trying to move the furniture out of the way of everything, trying to convince PRECIS to put the nice lady down. None of this is having any effect. Suddenly, with a loud ripping sound, CHISATO's jacket gives way down the front, and she abruptly falls to the ground, landing hard on her rear. Her navy blue jacket still hangs from the arm, minus all of its buttons, leaving CHISATO in red shorts and a bright red lace bra. Oddly, she doesn't seem to care in the least, leaping to her feet and sprinting away.) PRECIS: Oh no you don't~! You're not getting away from meeee~! (The robotic arm swoops down and grabs for CHISATO, but misses and takes a huge hunk of plaster out of the wall, instead. CHISATO ducks under the arm, yelps, and makes a break for the other exit, now half-covered in white plaster dust. Within seconds she's ducked out of the lobby into the south hallway.) PRECIS: (at the shrieky top of her little lungs) You leave my Dias-snookums aloooooone~! (PRECIS gives chase, but the robot arm smacks hard into the lower ceiling of the hallway, bringing down a huge chunk of concrete and preventing her from following. Impatiently PRECIS tries to retract the robot arm, but all of a sudden there's a horrible ratcheting sound from the place where CHISATO was kicking it, and the arm refuses to retract. She's trapped in the lobby. The hotel employees all shriek and scatter as PRECIS, in a pure red-faced fit, starts to pound on the walls and floor with the robot arm, which still works well enough for that. The shreds of CHISATO's jacket, now white with plaster, hang sadly from the hand as a screaming PRECIS stomps back and forth, taking huge hunks out of everything in her path, leaving the lobby a rubble-strewn minefield.) MALE VOICE: Precis! Cut that out! (PRECIS, startled, stops... and at least five employees of the hotel pile on top of her, pinning her to the ground.) EMPLOYEE #1: Gotcha! EMPLOYEE #2: Look at this mess! I hope you have a lot of money, little girl! EMPLOYEE #3: Ow! Ow! Quit biting me, you little twerp! (CLAUDE, owner of the voice, comes striding up, alarmed.) CLAUDE: Stop! Please! Let me talk to her! (SCENE: The south hallway. CHISATO, red bra, white plaster dust, and all, is charging down the hall.) CHISATO: (mostly to herself) Dias, Dias, Dias, gotta talk to... ?! (Her voice trails off as she spots something. Following her well-honed journalist instincts, she flings herself behind another of those convenient potted plants and pulls out her notebook and a small Nedian camera. In a conveniently placed but dimly lit corner, just up ahead, we see NOEL and CELINE, snuggled up very close against each other and 'surreptitiously' making out. Even as we (and CHISATO) watch, the top of CELINE's dress slips alarmingly, exposing most of her back.) CELINE: (in a whisper pitched to carry very, very well) Noel! We mustn't! Why, anyone could catch us at it! NOEL: (in his normal confused voice) Mmmm, uh... huh... (CELINE, apparently not wanting NOEL to blow his lines, crushes her lips back down on his. NOEL subsides, happily, and wraps both arms around CELINE's waist, proving once and for all that he's stoned, he's not stupid. CHISATO, temporarily distracted from thoughts of DIAS, scribbles furiously in her notebook and snaps pictures, a huge gloating grin on her face.) CHISATO: (under her breath, mostly to herself) Of course! All those things I saw... ! It all makes sense now! A love that spans planets! The first signs of two distinct cultures getting along!... and if that doesn't sell, I'll work the 'miscegenation' angle for outrage. Oh, this is wonderful...! (SCENE: The north hallway. ASHTON is fidgeting here, having been more or less trapped by RENA, who's twisting locks of her hair nervously about her fingers.) RENA: So... ASHTON: ... Rena, this is really not a good time!... RENA: No, please, Ashton, stay, I really really need to talk to you... it's very important to... to me. (ASHTON just sort of quivers in place, desperately wanting to leave but not wanting to be rude. RENA, sensing that things are turning to her advantage, decides to tilt the scales a little further. Dipping her hand into her pocket, she pulls out two cookies.) RENA: (in a sickeningly sweet little voice) Gyoro? Ururun? Cookies! Do you want a cookie? (Above ASHTON's head GYORO and URURUN turn to look at each other. Some flash of unspoken communication passes between them, and then they both turn to look down at RENA.) GYORO: I should say not. URURUN: They're quite awful, you know. (RENA's eyes bug out of her head. ASHTON claps both hands over his eyes and groans piteously.) RENA: ... you talk...? GYORO: Of course we talk! How foolish of you, to think that noble dragons could not speak! URURUN: But, dear brother, now we must dispose of her. She could expose us both! Our plan... ! (GYORO makes a very poorly acted attempt at looking resigned. ASHTON, in direct contract, looks completely boggled. RENA takes a step backwards.) GYORO: I suppose you're right, my brother. Our plans of world domination must continue! The child must die. URURUN: I concur. (Both dragons turn towards RENA and let their jaws gape, flashes of fire and ice beginning to show in the depths of their mouths. RENA screams and wheels around, bolting away.) RENA: You... you traitor, Ashton! You've got pure evil on your back! I can't believe I ever liked you! (ASHTON watches RENA flee, his mouth agape, his sanity starting to crumble. Finally, GYORO leans down and whacks his forehead hard against ASHTON's cheek, bringing him back to reality.) GYORO: Quickly. We've bought you some time, Ashton-host. Go find Dias. It might not be too late. ASHTON: But... but... but Rena, she... URURUN: Explain to her later, Ashton-host! Go! (URURUN leans down and, quite simply, bites ASHTON on the ass as hard as he can. ASHTON leaps into the air, yelps, and goes bolting off down the hallway, URURUN still attached to his butt.) (SCENE: The lobby. The sniffling PRECIS is now hiding behind CLAUDE, the robot arm sticking up behind her at a sad angle, while CLAUDE deals with a crowd of furious hotel employees.) CLAUDE: Yes, quite insane, off her medication, I'm so terribly sorry. Is that enough to cover the damages? EMPLOYEE #3: ... yes, it should be. CLAUDE: Here, a little extra for each of you, for your trouble. I'll take charge of her now. You don't need to worry about anything. EMPLOYEE #2: But the lobby... ! CLAUDE: (clenching his jaw) Well, now's the perfect time to redecorate, isn't it? Here, let me contribute a little towards your wallpaper fund... (Bit by bit, the hotel employees allow themselves to be bribed into passivity and drift away. CLAUDE blows out a relieved breath and turns to face PRECIS, whose eyes are shining.) CLAUDE: Precis, what was that all about? PRECIS: Oh, Claude! (Sniffling, PRECIS throws herself on CLAUDE, eyes all wobbly.) PRECIS: You saved me! My hero~! How could I have forgotten you~!? I'm so sorry! (PRECIS bursts into tears, clinging to CLAUDE. CLAUDE looks surprised and a little resigned... after all, he's had a year to get used to PRECIS' original little crush. CLAUDE pats PRECIS' back gingerly.) CLAUDE: Shh. Come on, now. Let's see about getting this arm folded away, okay? (SCENE: The south hallway. CELINE and NOEL are still making out in their little nook, and CHISATO is gathering her evidence. After a few precious stalling minutes of this, she leaps out from behind the plant and takes another picture, this one using the flash.) CHISATO: Say 'cheese~'! (NOEL just blinks fuzzily. CELINE does an excellent job of mimicking shock and embarrassment, one hand clutching her undone top photogenically to her breasts. CHISATO snaps a second picture before the first flash can die away.) CELINE: (a bit too emphatically) Chisato! Oh no! CHISATO: (ominously) Would you like to make a statement for the press? NOEL: ... uh. Wow. You're really fun to kiss, man... (CHISATO squeals with joy and writes that down. CELINE looks... well, flattered, although she quickly replaces that expression with one of shock.) CHISATO: What a day! A red-letter day! Not one but two headlines for me! Now, to see about finding Dias... ! (Without another word she bolts off, chortling. CELINE immediately pulls her dress back up and refastens it.) CELINE: Well! That worked as well as I could have expected, darling. Thank you so much for playing along with my little charade! NOEL: Huh? Oh. S'no problem, man. Uh... CELINE: (fiddling with her top) Hmm? NOEL: Do we have to stop, man? It was pretty nice, you know? (CELINE looks at NOEL, and her expression softens. NOEL offers up another version of that loopy beaming grin, and CELINE can't help but smile back.) CELINE: (softly) We don't have to stop, Noel, darling. But right now there's something else we need to do... (CELINE leans forward and kisses NOEL on the cheek. NOEL beams absently.) CELINE: Come on, darling. This isn't over... (CELINE grabs NOEL by the hand and they both race off, CELINE more or less dragging NOEL stumbling along behind her.) (SCENE: The north hallway, close to the lobby. DIAS is here, lurking in a conveniently out-of-the-way space and trying not to be seen here, either. From behind him we hear:) FEMALE VOICE: ... aaaaaAAAAAAAAAH! (RENA goes sprinting past him at top speed, screaming her little lungs out. DIAS straightens up, blinks after RENA, then quickly follows her into the lobby, one hand on his sword.) (SCENE: The battered and rubble-strewn lobby. CLAUDE and PRECIS are here, trying to deal with PRECIS' robot arm. PRECIS keeps trying to amble closer to CLAUDE, who puts up with it grimly.) FEMALE VOICE ECHOING FROM DOWN NORTH HALLWAY: ... aaaaaAAAAAAAAAH NOOOOO! (RENA bursts into the lobby, still screaming, red in the face. Barely a second later DIAS arrives, striding as fast as his long legs can take him. Both CLAUDE and PRECIS have straightened up, staring at RENA.) DIAS: Rena! (DIAS' sharp tone punctures RENA's panic like a pin popping a balloon. She stops screaming. DIAS strides over to her and grabs her by both shoulders.) DIAS: What's wrong? RENA: Uh... uh... uh... Ashton! He... DIAS: (ominously) What did Ashton do? RENA: (wide-eyed and terrified) He... he... he... (RENA bursts into tears. DIAS, alarmed, takes a quick step back. CLAUDE hesitates, then walks over and hugs her. RENA stiffens.) CLAUDE: Come on, Rena. It's okay. Tell me what happened. RENA: No! I hate you! Get away from me! (RENA, frantic, shoves CLAUDE away. After his initial startlement wears off, CLAUDE sighs and backs off, looking a little woebegone. DIAS blinks back and forth from one of them to the other... then a half-dressed white-dusted CHISATO bursts into the lobby from the south hallway.) CHISATO: Dias! There you are! I need to... speak... (CHISATO notices that PRECIS is still here and falters. But PRECIS is now staring wobble-eyed at CLAUDE and RENA and doesn't pay CHISATO the first bit of attention. Emboldened, CHISATO continues.) CHISATO: ... to you! (DIAS whips around... but CHISATO is between him and both major hallways, and RENA and CLAUDE are blocking the front doors. He stops, trapped. From out of the south hallway alcove pops CELINE, NOEL in tow. At the same moment, from out of the north hallway alcove pops ASHTON. RENA screams again and hides behind CLAUDE. ASHTON, paying no mind to RENA, notices that CHISATO is much closer to DIAS than he is and seconds from blurting his big secret and puts on a frantic burst of speed... tripping over a pile of destroyed masonry and crashing to the floor. CELINE takes all this in at once.) CELINE: (shrieking theatrically) Chisato! You stop this instant! I want those pictures you took of Noel and I kissing right now! (DIAS, CLAUDE, RENA, and PRECIS all whip their heads around to stare at CELINE, astonished. A moment later CLAUDE's face twists in anger. CHISATO jerks around in mid-stride and shakes the camera triumphantly over her head.) CHISATO: Never! You'll never get these pictures! Freedom of the press! This is a big story and I intend to print it! (ASHTON, completely forgotten by everybody, takes advantage of this momentary distraction to leap back to his feet and navigate the pile of masonry, heading for CHISATO at top speed. CHISATO, unaware, turns back around to fasten her gloating eyes on DIAS even as ASHTON closes in.) CHISATO: Dias! I need a statement for the morning edition! Were you or were you not aware that... (ASHTON slams his hand over CHISATO's mouth just in the nick of time.) ASHTON: (out of breath, wild-eyed, and yelling) I LOVE YOU! (Everything, and I do mean everything, stops dead. All the eyes that were on CELINE not a moment ago are now riveted to ASHTON in varying degrees of shock. Except DIAS' eyes... those, as usual, have no expression at all. CHISATO slumps a little, her scoop snatched out from under her. CELINE exhales a great sigh of relief. RENA totters backwards, ashen. A hunk of plaster separates from the wall to crash to the floor.) DIAS: ... I know. (ASHTON snaps out of it.) ASHTON: Oh god. I'm really really sorry, I didn't mean to tell you this way, I got forced into it... (Here ASHTON shakes the half-dressed CHISATO back and forth a little, as if to explain.) ASHTON: And I'll understand if you hate me and don't ever want to talk to me again but I had to tell you before she could, and I'm really really sorry that I even have this crush on you in the first place, I know you don't care, please don't kill me, I just... (DIAS holds up one hand. ASHTON's words crash to an immediate stop.) DIAS: Let's talk about this later. ASHTON: ... of course. I underst... (DIAS takes one step forward, grabs ASHTON's chin in his hand, and kisses him hard. ASHTON's eyes pop wide open. Above his head the dragons beam at each other and lightly bump foreheads in something like a high-one. CLAUDE, RENA, and PRECIS appear to be in varying degrees of shock. CHISATO shakes off ASHTON's grip and stomps off to lurk some place convenient, brushing plaster dust off herself. NOEL beams at DIAS and ASHTON in his usual unfocused manner. CELINE lightly claps her hands together once, then reaches back and takes NOEL's hand, leading him forward towards the others.) RENA: But you can't! (The sound of her voice breaks the kiss, and DIAS looks back over his shoulder at her, not letting go of ASHTON's chin. ASHTON's expression goes straight to 'oh shit', and the dragons mimic his expression not a second later.) RENA: The dragons, they're... they're... they're smart! They talk and everything, they're evil, they're plotting to take over the world, you can't like Ashton like that, they'll always be there looking at you... DIAS: What are you talking about? (URURUN leans down quickly and butts at the back of ASHTON's head.) ASHTON: Yow! ... no. No, they don't talk. I don't know what she's talking about. CELINE: (just now coming up) Well, I've never heard them talk, at any rate. NOEL: (oblivious) I have, man. (ASHTON and CELINE both freeze. RENA looks triumphant, crossing her arms over her chest. NOEL, continuing to be oblivious to everything, rambles on.) NOEL: I mean, they're animals, man. All animals talk, you know? You'd have to be, I don't know, a plant or something not to talk. (Slowly, everyone relaxes again, except for RENA, who looks a little alarmed that her sole source of confirmation has turned a bit flaky. ASHTON looks like he dares to hope things might work out after all... plus DIAS is still holding on to his chin.) NOEL: You just have to know how to do the fairy magic stuff to learn how to hear it, man. S'why you and I can hear 'em, you know? RENA: But... but they never said anything before! NOEL: Oh, yeah, I guess I didn't teach you that part. You just gotta learn to listen right. It's not hard. RENA: ... all right. Fine. So you and I are the only ones who can hear them, and it's normal that they talk. That's one thing! But they're evil! They were saying the most horrible things about taking over the world and killing me! You didn't hear them! NOEL: Aww, no, man. You can't ever trust what animals say, 'cause they don't really think like people do, you know? So you'll hear some really weird stuff, man, but you just gotta understand it's your mind, I dunno, translating, sorta. Uh. I mean. They're dragons, they're not, like, kittens or anything, you know? They're kinda supposed to be dangerous and evil and stuff, man. (RENA looks a little startled. Apparently she'd never thought that dragons could be dangerous before. The dragons, sensing an out, rear up as high as they can and start glaring around imperiously.) GYORO: Groooonk? URURUN: Awoooork. (RENA blinks up at the dragons, doubtful at last. The dragons keep up their 'dangerous' act, although GYORO catches URURUN making a magnificent squinty-eyed face of doom and nearly bursts out laughing.) RENA: Oh... Ashton, I'm really sorry, I... ASHTON: N-no, no, it's all right. I was just startled that... er... that you could understand them, that's all. I didn't know you could do that! You're, er, really smart! (RENA beams at ASHTON. ASHTON sighs out a huge relieved breath and sags forward against DIAS, who absently catches him. CELINE looks from face, to face, to face, to CLAUDE, who's glaring at her.) CELINE: Oh... Claude, darling. CLAUDE: Don't you 'Claude, darling' me. Now I know why you were so anxious to get rid of me this afternoon! You had Noel stashed in your room, right? ASHTON: (not thinking about his next words at all) No, that was... (CELINE overrides him before he can get any further and grabs the opportunity she's been presented with both hands.) CELINE: No, Ashton darling, you don't have to cover for me any more. It... it's true. (ASHTON belatedly realizes the can of worms he was about to open, swallows, and subsides.) NOEL: ... is it? I can't remember, man. It's all kinda fuzzy... CELINE: Well, yes, darling. I did. I... oh, Claude darling... (CELINE gets all theatrically teary-eyed, reaching up one hand to swipe away tears that just aren't there.) CELINE: (wailing) I couldn't stand to keep you and Rena apart! It just isn't right! Oh, if you two would only unbend and apologize and really listen to each other you'd realize how silly this fight of yours is! It's making you both into people that you just aren't, darlings, and I can't stand it! (CLAUDE and RENA both blink at this completely out of character wailing from CELINE, then RENA casts a shy glance in CLAUDE's direction as a new possible explanation for his behavior towards CELINE becomes apparent. PRECIS bursts into tears somewhere in the background, but no one pays any attention. NOEL, looking completely confused, is patting absently at CELINE's shoulder. Only ASHTON seems to have caught on... he's hiding a smile against DIAS' chest. The dragons give up their 'dangerous' act and just watch CELINE, fascinated.) CELINE: You two are perfect for each other, you should have realized that all along... and I didn't mean to do this this way but I'm weak! I'm so weak! Please forgive me, Claude! (Voice spiralling, CELINE appears perfectly happy to go on in this vein for another five or ten minutes, but GYORO ducks down under ASHTON's cloak, leans over, and thwacks his forehead against CELINE's hip. Startled, she swallows her next few words, and then realizes they're probably not necessary. CLAUDE and RENA look at each other, fidget, and look away.) RENA: Claude... CLAUDE: ... we'll talk later. RENA: I-I hope so. Oh, Claude... PRECIS: WAAAAAAAAAH~! (Not wanting to deal with the wailing PRECIS (or the assorted debris), the others start drifting away in ones and twos. CELINE grabs the startled-but-happy NOEL by one hand and heads off in the direction of her room. ASHTON peels himself off DIAS and brushes off the front of his robe, nervously; DIAS stares at ASHTON levelly for a moment then jerks his head towards the front door. ASHTON nods, once, and hesitantly follows DIAS out into the night, both dragons riding high and looking extremely pleased with themselves. CLAUDE and RENA watch them go, their expressions just a little tiny bit disturbed, then CLAUDE turns towards RENA and holds out both hands. RENA bursts into tears and throws herself against CLAUDE's chest. CLAUDE hugs RENA tightly. PRECIS runs off, bawling, leaving her robot arm jutting magnificently out of a pile of rubble. From behind a second pile of rubble CHISATO arises: eyes glittering frantically, one hand clutching her camera, the other hand clutching her battered notebook. Still dressed only in red shorts and matching red lace bra, covered from head to toe in white plaster dust, mussed, mangled, fussed, and outraged, CHISATO does a frantic little dance of joy in place, waving her trophies over her head.) CHISATO: (half-singing) Scoop, scoop, scoop of the century, so many stories, all mine, all mine~! (Still doing her triumphant jitterbug, CHISATO heads towards the front desk, clutching camera and notebook to her chest. CLAUDE and RENA ignore her, settling for holding each other as tight as possible and whispering apologies. A few moments later, a shriek of the purest outrage knifes across the half-destroyed lobby, causing both CLAUDE and RENA to duck in alarm and a few more hunks of plaster to fall to the ground with dull, booming thuds.) CHISATO: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'WHAT'S A NEWSPAPER?'?! Aren't there any newspapers on this damn planet of yours?! ~CURTAIN~ |
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===== COMMENTS: Parts of this are so very, very old. About two years ago, I nearly killed myself churning out Go Wyverns; about a month afterwards, I decided that I wanted to try writing another really long 'screenplay'-like parody. But nothing so angsty and overwrought, this time. Something funny. Maybe... a farce! Yeah! And why not do it with Star Ocean 2? Well, why not? Those multiple endings make it so easy to mix and match couples! I wrote a good four-fifths of Act One at that point, realized that I had no idea where it was going, and put it away. And over the next couple of years I kept pulling it back out, poking at it, wondering about it, and putting it away again. Finally, about six months ago, I wrote another handful of scenes, bringing the fic right up to endgame before I chickened out. Don't let anybody fool you: farce is hard to write. But I kept poking at it and editing it and fretting over it and soon I knew what was going to happen in the end, more or less, and one day I finally bit the bullet and sat down to whack the rest of it out. Half the stuff that happens after Ashton confronts Chisato got made up on the spot as I went free-falling through, and in the end... it turned out more or less like I wanted it to. So, obviously, we get the Rena and Claude couple ending, the Celine and Noel couple ending, the Ashton and Dias couple ending, and Precis and Chisato get their solo endings, which they richly deserved. For the purposes of this horrible, horrible farce Chisato was at least mildly unhinged by the destruction of Energy Nede. She's insane! That explains everything! Ah, how can I not love a fic that contains the line 'NOEL continues to revolve'? |