| Final Fantasy Tactics: Elmdor's Little Problem
This... this is how powergamers play Final Fantasy Tactics on their third time through. Poor Elmdor. He just chose the WRONG ensemble to wear in front of my greedy little blonde warriors... Uh. Yeah. Spoilers. Don't read this unless you've won the game already. =====
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| (SCENE: Deep under Limberry Castle. ELMDOR, CELIA, and LEDE stand at
the top of the stairs, facing RAMZA and four of his friends..)
ELMDOR: Now for my revenge, for what you did at Riovanes Castle! RAMZA: Uh? (to SPENCER, a Calculator) Which one is Riovanes again? SPENCER: How the heck am I supposed to remember? All these damn castles look the same to me. Although I remember one that reached height 15... ELMDOR:Enough! You will DIE now! (A spectacular melee breaks out. CELIA and LEDE are the first to fall, and soon their demon forms are defeated as well. Finally, only ELMDOR is left. RAMZA and his friends all spin to face ELMDOR.) ELMDOR: Ha! You may have gotten my assassins, but... but... why are you looking at me like that? (RAMZA and his friends all gape at ELMDOR. Finally, RAMZA shakes himself.) RAMZA: Eri? ERI: You got it, Ramza. ELMDOR: Enough stalling! Attack me, and I'll kill you all! (ZWIP!) ELMDOR: Hey! Dammit! Give me back my helmet! ERI: Ha! Got one! RAMZA: Yes! Genji armor! ELMDOR: Impudent wretch! (The fight continues, now somewhat one-sided. ELMDOR attacks, and RAMZA and his friends spread out and keep healing each other.) ELMDOR: Dammit, get AWAY from me! (ZWIP!) ERI: Got his armor! ELMDOR: Arrrrrrrgh! Give that BACK! (ELMDOR chases ERI around the room.) RAMZA: Hey! Elmdor! (ELMDOR spins around.) RAMZA: Gotcha! (ZWIP!) ELMDOR: GYAAHHH! SPENCER: Level Prime Number, Cure3! (Pretty colored lights surround ELMDOR and ERI for a moment.) ELMDOR: What the hell? Why are you healing me? SPENCER: Gotta keep you alive until you're naked! ELMDOR: Okay, that's it. You die FIRST, mohawk-boy. SPENCER: Yeah? What are you going to kill me WITH, your chocobo-print boxers? ELMDOR: No, you dimwit! With my (ZWIP!) ELMDOR: WITH MY BARE HANDS, since I seem to be swordless! SPENCER: Oo, scary man. Gonna poke me to death? (ERI taps ELMDOR on the shoulder. ELMDOR spins around.) ERI: Boo! (ERI runs away.) ELMDOR: Dammit! Stop toying with me! Just KILL me already! All I've got left is my (ZWIP!) ELMDOR: Shield? GYARGH! ERI: Hee hee! RAMZA: Oh, nice socks. Really. ERI: All done, Ramza! RAMZA: Great! Ultima! ELMDOR: YOWTCH! (ERI darts forward.) ELMDOR: Hey! You keep those sticky fingers AWAY from my boxers! ERI: I plan to! (ERI slashes ELMDOR with two ninja blades.) ELMDOR: Owooooooo! (ELMDOR goes down.) RAMZA: Is he dead? ERI: Yup! RAMZA: Great! Dibs on the helmet! (CURTAIN.) |
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===== COMMENTS: Just a little vignette... this is what my characters were thinking while this happened. I promise. (Yes, Spencer and Eri were names from my third game of Tactics.) |