| Xenogears: Fraud!
Ffft. This one didn't turn out as well as I hoped it would. Eh, well, for the sake of completeness... Spoilers, yeah. But you probably guessed that already. =====
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| (SCENE: The engine room aboard the Yggdrasil.)
(SIGURD stands in front of an open machine, splattered with engine grease and looking frustrated. He scratches his forehead with a socket wrench.) SIGURD: Hey, Bart! (BART pokes his head up from another bank of engines.) BART: Yeah? SIGURD: Go get Citan, will you? I can't figure this problem out to save my life... BART: Yeah, okay. (BART races away. SIGURD goes back to staring glumly into the engine. Shortly, CITAN arrives.) SIGURD: There you are, Hyuga... come take a look at this, will you? I can't figure out what's wrong, and the ship's grounded until we fix it... CITAN: Of course. (CITAN pushes his ponytail out of the way and scrutinizes the engine for a few minutes, looking serious. SIGURD stands behind him, looking hopeful.) CITAN: Ah, of course, I see the problem. The internal frangelizer is off-kilter by about fourteen angstroms... I'll have to re-coniverate the capacitation and hope for the best. Do you have a spare 8-19ths whackadoo miteralizer? SIGURD: ... You're bluffing. CITAN: ... SIGURD: Don't pull that silent injured routine with me. I've known you longer than anyone else here, Hyuga, and you're bluffing. You don't have the damndest idea what's wrong with the Yggdrasil. CITAN: ... oh God, you're right. I'm such a fraud. I don't understand machines at all... (CITAN bursts into tears.) SIGURD: How did you get this reputation for being such a mechanic anyway? I mean, you're a great warrior, but Jugend never taught you anything else... CITAN: Lahan village didn't need any swordsmen, but they needed a good mechanic... SIGURD: Oh? CITAN: That's not all... they made me their doctor! SIGURD: YOU? Holy... back when we were in Jugend together, we didn't trust you with two aspirin at a time! CITAN: Hey! Sizer's death wasn't my fault! Besides, no one liked him anyway. SIGURD: Crikey, you're a total fraud! How did you get AWAY with that routine? CITAN: They'd never had a doctor before... they didn't know that a fifty percent death rate wasn't normal. SIGURD: ... CITAN: Usually I just told them to get lots of rest and drink plenty of water, and it cured about half of them... SIGURD: ... CITAN: Most of their machines would start working again if I hit them... SIGURD: ... I'm embarrassed to claim I know you! CITAN: ... I'm sorry. I'm so ashamed. But, here, maybe I can fix things a little... (CITAN hauls off and kicks the Yggdrasil engine housing as hard as he can. The Yggdrasil starts up with a cough and a sputter.) SIGURD: ... Dammit, why didn't I think of that?! CITAN: Uh huh. How'd you get signed up as captain of a sandship anyway? You never COULD drive worth a damn, and you had a drinking problem to boot. I don't think I'm the only fraud around here. SIGURD: ... Please don't tell Bart. I really need this job... I don't want to go back to soldiering! CITAN: You keep my secret, and I'll keep yours. SIGURD: Deal. CITAN: I'm rather embarrassed. You and I are total frauds, Jesse is a homeless wanderer... SIGURD: And an asshole. CITAN: And an asshole... at least Ramsus turned out okay. The rest of us... SIGURD: Yeah... he'll do Jugend proud, at least. CITAN: ... Why do I feel vaguely ridiculous? SIGURD: No idea. Oh, well, the thing's working... c'mon, Hyuga, I'll buy you a drink. (CURTAIN.) |
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===== COMMENTS: Bleh. Not all that good, was it? It sounded funnier when I thought it up, anyway. Oh well. |