| FF8: Girl Talk
This one's... okay. You can really tell that I don't like Rinoa. This
is actually the first of two separate fanfics dealing with Ultimecia's
elevators... they just stuck in my mind for some reason.
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| (SCENE: An ordinary SeeD dorm room. A hideously obese RINOA, weighing
at least five hundred pounds, is sitting on the bed, oblivious to the frame
bending beneath her. She is sniffling a bit.)
(QUISTIS enters the room.) QUISTIS: Rinoa? Are you okay? (RINOA bursts into fresh tears.) RINOA: Oh Quistie! Th-this morning Squally-poo... Squally-poo said I 'd PUT ON W-WEIGHT! He, he ought to know I did it just for him! How could he be so CRUEL?! QUISTIS: Well, that 's Squall for you... RINOA: He, he needed to get that elevator in Ultimecia 's Castle to work! All I did was eat a few dozen d-dozen donuts until I weighed enough to lift him and Irvine and Zell up to the Library, and he got the, the F-Floodgate Key and we b-beat Ultimecia and saved the, the world! Oh, my Squally-poo... (QUISTIS sits down on the bed beside RINOA -- carefully -- and hugs her.) QUISTIS: You 're absolutely right, Rinoa. He couldn 't have done it without you... none of us could. You were just looking out for him. RINOA: I kn-know! And I 've been trying to lose the weight, really I have, but the hot d-dogs here are so GOOD... QUISTIS: I know, Rinoa honey. It 's okay. I hate to say this, but... I think that if your little weight gain bothers Squall this much, he must not have ever loved you... I think he was just after your well-rendered body. (RINOA stares at QUISTIS, appalled, then starts crying again.) RINOA: You, you 're right, Quistie... he n-never loved me... he 's never b-been supportive! J-just last week I was talking about what a f-fat pig I was and he, he DIDN'T DISAGREE WITH ME! Boo hoo hoo! (RINOA lumbers to her feet and thumps off, footsteps booming away. QUISTIS stands, an odd little smile on her face.) QUISTIS: So, choose that little tart over me, eh, Squall? She 's not so little any more... I 'm going to enjoy showing you my whip skills... 'Squally-poo'... (QUISTIS stalks off, smiling faintly and fingering the handle of her whip, as RINOA 's voice rises in an aggrieved wail from off camera.) (CURTAIN.) |
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===== COMMENTS: I hate Quistis' last line. It doesn't sound right. It's got all the elements I was looking for, but it still sounds wrong. Yes, I totally stole the phrase 'Squally-poo' from Laine's drawing. Mea culpa. If you read this parody, you are now required to go to my links page and visit 'Tasty Graphite' so that I don't feel so bad. Yes, I hate Rinoa. The idea of Rinoa weighing five hundred pounds really really appeals to me. Take that, you simpering weenie chick! Hah! |