| FF8: Irvine and Selphie
This one's scary as hell. It was so easy to write... apparently it really
seemed -right- to me, or something. But,
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| (SCENE: A cluttered double-wide trailer, parked on the ugly side of
Deling City's industrial district.)
(As the curtain rises, SELPHIE stomps in. She now weighs well over two hundred pounds, her cute yellow overall-dress traded for a pair of genuine industrial-strength overalls. SELPHIE lights a cigarette and roots around in one of the cabinets.) SELPHIE: Damnation, if them kids ate my last Ring-Ding there's gonna be HELL TA PAY... (The whish-bang of a badly-repaired screen door can be heard, and IRVINE enters the trailer, dressed in the uniform of a Deling City policeman, accented with cowboy hat and boots. He removes his hat, revealing a rusty-colored crewcut that is rapidly thinning.) IRVINE: Home at last... get me a brew, willya hon? SELPHIE: Get it yerself, lazy-ass. I'm busy. (SELPHIE leans against the counter, chomping on her Ring-Ding.) IRVINE: You don't look that busy to ME. (under his breath) Bitch. (IRVINE squeezes past SELPHIE and grabs a can of 'Funguar Beer -- It's Durn Cheap!' from the tiny fridge. Popping the top, he chugs half the can, then belches.) SELPHIE: Gawd, you've just got no manners at all. Yer settin' a bad example for our kids. (raises her voice) YOU KIDS CUT THAT SHIT OUT RIGHT NOW OR MAMMA'S GETTIN' OUT HER NUNCHUCKS. (The sound of fighting from the bedroom lessens, slightly.) IRVINE: Look, I just got home from work and I am entitled to have a beer in peace and quiet without some COW nagging at me, you understand? SELPHIE: Cow? COW? When I think of what I put up with from you... I usedta be CUTE, you know? I could wear a dress cut up to HERE and I looked good... but you and yer cowboy ways, you hadda go and get me pregnant, and now that I've had yer babies I'm a COW? IRVINE: Yeah, well, you sure ain't cute any more, Sefie. Maybe if you ever took out those damn curlers... (Dialogue is interrupted by a pair of kids, one brunette (JUNIOR), one redheaded (BUBBA), tumbling into the room, having a hair-pulling fight.) SELPHIE: Junior! Bubba! How many times have I got to say it? CUT THAT SHIT OUT! (SELPHIE wades into the fray, smacking bottoms until peace is more or less restored.) SELPHIE: Now you two gonna behave? BUBBA: *sniff* Yeah, Mamma. JUNIOR: Whatever. (BUBBA and JUNIOR go back into the bedroom.) IRVINE: I swear, Junior's really startin' to remind me of someone, but I can't think who... you know what I mean? (SELPHIE turns away from IRVINE, looking oddly guilty.) SELPHIE: No idea. (SELPHIE gets a faraway look on her face.) SELPHIE: Irvy? You ever wonder... if things coulda been different for us? You know, we helped save the world an' all... IRVINE: Yeah, maybe, but you know Rinoa, she managed to hog all the glory and book contracts for herself and what's-his-name... and, hell, not much I'm qualified to do 'cept shoot... you think I like bein' a cop? Pays the bills, sure... ahh, hell, Sefie, we're stuck. Might's well accept it. (IRVINE finishes his beer.) IRVINE: 'Sides, you know I like my women with a lil' meat on their bones... (SELPHIE's face hardens.) SELPHIE: Yeah, I know. I know you've been porkin' that new waitress at the diner, too. IRVINE: I didn't either! SELPHIE: Yes, you did, and you are, and don't you LIE to me, Irvy Kinneas! Why'n hell did I marry you anyhow? You jus' chase around after women! Yer not even a decent shot! IRVINE: Shuddup! SELPHIE: Make me! Dammit, I shoulda chased Squall harder! He's got TALENT! All you can do is make me pregnant and screw up shootin' people! IRVINE: SHUDDUP! SELPHIE: Rinoa tol' me ALLLLLL about yer little tantrum on top of the Deling City Presidential Residence! (SELPHIE pitches her voice up high.) 'Ohhhh... I caaaan't do it! I suuuuuck!' IRVINE: I SAID SHUDDUP! SELPHIE: You gonna HIT me, Irrrrrrvy? G'wan! You ruined my life anyway! You and yer cowboy act and yer stupid trailer! (Angry shrieks rise from the bedroom. Both IRVINE and SELPHIE turn abruptly towards the door.) IRVINE and SELPHIE: YOU KIDS KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF! |
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===== COMMENTS: Wasn't that -frightening-? And it just felt so -right-, too. It was so easy for me to see this happening. In case you couldn't tell, Junior is the older kid, and his father is... not Irvine. Which means that these two didn't 'have' to get married in the first place... that just makes it worse, I think. Geez, I was so rough on these two. And I actually LIKE Irvine... so, how many fangirls are going to flame me for making him balding with a crewcut? (He's probably got a beer gut, too. Hee hee!) |