| Final Fantasy Tactics: A Mediator's Life
I LOVE Mediators. A lot of Tactics classes are cool, but Mediators just blow me away. They seem so utterly seditious... plus they have snappy fashion sense. Minor spoilers... if you've had a Mediator in your party, you pretty much know everything that's in this fic. ===== |
| (SCENE: A snow-covered battlefield. RAMZA and his cronies study their
opponents closely. One of the soldiers here is FORDHAM, dressed in the
stylish ascot and hat of a Mediator, with an... odd glint in his eyes.)
RAMZA: Hm, okay, I see a couple of chemists back there... everyone 'ware guns. (SALOME, a female Ninja, hurries up.) SALOME: Careful, they have dragons! RAMZA: Oh, hell. SALOME: But... there's a Uribo up there! (Everyone perks right up. RAMZA turns to FORDHAM.) RAMZA: I don't have to tell you what to do, do I? (FORDHAM straightens his ascot.) FORDHAM: Not at all! I'm on it! (The battle begins.)
FORDHAM: Hello the pig! Can we talk a moment? URIBO: SQUEEE! (ROUND 2. FORDHAM claps his hand to his hat and dives for the ground as a shot rings out overhead.) FORDHAM: Look, there's no need for that! I just wanted to ask you... would you like to come with us? URIBO: Squee? (ROUND 3. FORDHAM stands back up and brushes himself off.) FORDHAM: We'd love to have you along! It must be too cold for you up here... URIBO: Squee. (ROUND 4. One of the chemists and one of the dragons has fallen.) FORDHAM: Certainly! Easy work, good company, all the slops you can eat! URIBO: Squee... (ROUND 5.) FORDHAM: So what about it? Will you come with us? I absolutely swear that we won't poach your children for perfumes! URIBO: Squee! (URIBO JOIN UP!) (SCENE: A bleak desert, a few months later. Having just finished killing a pack of Bull Demons [and poaching a poor hapless friendly Porky for a perfume], RAMZA and his friends regroup, cleaning their weapons and patching their wounds. Shortly, FORDHAM approaches, leading an apprehensive female Summoner by the hand.) FORDHAM: Ramza! Can I talk to you for a moment? (RAMZA sheathes his sword and walks over.) RAMZA: Sure, what's up?... um, isn't that one of the people we were just killing? FORDHAM: Well, yes, but I had a bit of a talk with her, and she wants to join us! RAMZA: Um, that's great, but... Fordham, we already HAVE a Summoner.
Remember? Barney? And he's a
FORDHAM: Yes, Barney... but... Ramza, this one's a girl! (RAMZA rubs his forehead, looking put upon.) RAMZA: Yes, Fordham, I can SEE she's a girl. What does that have to do with... well, with anything? FORDHAM: I thought we could use more girls in the party... to... to keep Agrias from getting lonely! RAMZA: Uh huh. FORDHAM: Well, plus, weren't you talking about a Dancer the other day? FEMALE SUMMONER: Hey now! RAMZA: Well, that's true, I -was- talking about developing a Dancer... FORDHAM: And we don't have any girls left, except Agrias... RAMZA: Also true. FEMALE SUMMONER: But I don't WANT to be a Dancer! FORDHAM: Just look at it this way, dear... you become a Dancer, you help us all out, and all the guys we hang out with are going to go ape for you... OR you can refuse and we'll kill you, like we were going to before. FEMALE SUMMONER: Um... well... since you put it THAT way... (The Summoner essays a vague shimmy.) FORDHAM: Splendid! (FORDHAM kisses the Summoner on the cheek.) RAMZA: All right, all right, fine... let me go explain things to Barney. I don't want him going ballistic and summoning Odin at us again. (RAMZA walks back to the group, notable for a male Summoner glaring over at FORDHAM. After a while, BARNEY stops glaring and looks relieved.) FORDHAM: Now then, my dear... what was your name again? FEMALE SUMMONER: Um... Eve. FORDHAM: Eve! How lovely! Now, then, Eve... won't it feel good to get out of those heavy robes and into something a bit more reveali... er... cooler? (EVE laughs, despite herself.) FORDHAM: THAT's the spirit! Come now, let's go introduce you to everyone... EVE: I must say, I can see why they made you the Mediator. FORDHAM: Oh, obviously it's because I look so SMASHING in an ascot, m'dear. Shall we go? (Laughing, the two rejoin the group.) (SCENE: A sodden swamp. RAMZA and his friends face off against a pack of undead. FORDHAM is here, as is a scantily-clad Dancer named EVE, and a Ninja, named CAIN.) (ROUND 1. CAIN hangs back, standing in front of FORDHAM.) FORDHAM: All right, Cain! These guys, these are nothing. Why, I'm sure you could take them in nothing flat if you didn't have to hang back and protect me. CAIN: Uh... I hate to burst your bubble, but those are Revenants. (MISS!)
FORDHAM: You need to have more faith in yourself. Look at you... all mysterious-looking, with your face hidden behind a mask... I bet you could scare off enemies before you even got close. You're a lot more effective than you think. CAIN: Well... (BRAVE +4!)
FORDHAM: Plus, I'll let you in on a little secret... Eve, there? She goes all weak in the knees for a man of mystery... all you have to do is catch her eye somehow... maybe by a little act of bravery? CAIN: You think? She sure is something... FORDHAM: Isn't she? (BRAVE +4!)
FORDHAM: Go GET 'em, Tiger. For Eve! CAIN: For Eve! (BRAVE +4!)
FORDHAM: Suckerrrrrr... (CURTAIN.) |
|
===== COMMENTS: This was just a throwaway fic, for the most part, but I find myself enamored of Fordham the Mediator... maybe I'll write more with him in the future. Yes, I'm very familiar with Summoners named Barney and Eve... Ninjas named Cain... but my particular Fordham was a Calculator. It just seemed like an excellent name for a Mediator. 'Hello the pig!' |