| Xenogears: Obligatory Shower Scene
Just one of those small bits of nonsense that I love so much. My first Xenogears parody, too, and it's just a little throwaway... eh well. Some spoilers... not TOO many. If you've finished the first disc, read on. ===== |
| (SCENE: Elly's room, in her parents' house in Solaris.)
(The door opens and FEI and ELLY enter the room. FEI peers about nervously.) FEI: This is a nice room... ack, what's THAT thing? ELLY: ... That's a shower, Fei. FEI: A... shower? What's it for? ELLY: Um... you don't know what a shower is? FEI: Uh. No. I've never seen anything like this before. What does it do? ELLY: It's... it's for getting clean. You stand in there and water comes down from the ceiling and you wash in it. FEI: Whoa, that's a neat idea. I wonder why no one else ever thought of it before? ELLY: What do you mean? Everyone showers! FEI: Well, maybe here in SOLARIS, sure. But, I mean, there weren't any of these 'showers' in Lahan, or in Aveh, or on the Yggsdrasil... ELLY: ... You know, you're right? How do you get clean? FEI: I dunno. I guess we just stay clean, or something. ELLY: Ew. Don't you have bathtubs? FEI: ... What's a bathtub? ELLY: Guess not. Come to think of it, I've never seen ANY toilet facilities anywhere else... FEI: Toilet? ELLY: Ewgh, never mind. I'm kind of disturbed. FEI: Sorry... I just don't get this thing, then. If we stay clean without washing, why do you need a shower? (ELLY sighs.) ELLY: Let me put it this way. That clear glass tube is a convenient plot device meant to let me display my naked, wet body to you while still retaining a measure of innocence, in order to further certain portions of the plot. FEI: ... Works for me! ELLY: But you have to play nice and pretend not to look. FEI: I can do that. ELLY: And then YOU have to shower, too. FEI: Oooh! Okay! (FEI flexes and grins.) ELLY: And I have to pretend not to peek. FEI: I guess you better get started, huh? ELLY: ... Right. (FEI turns his back. ELLY strips down and gets in the shower, which
soon becomes steamy in strategic locations. FEI keeps his back turned but
peeks every couple of seconds.)
CITAN: Fei! Elly! We have to get out of here, the guards are hot on your trail!... egad! FEI: Isn't it neat, Citan? It's called a shower! CITAN: Magnificent device. I'll have to build a couple. ELLY: (from inside the shower) ACK! Hey! No peeking! FEI: I thought you said I was supposed to peek! ELLY: (from inside the shower) YOU, yes! HIM, no! Citan, get OUT of here! CITAN: Must I? ELLY: YES! And don't worry about the guards, they won't find us here. Go... go flirt with my mother or something. When Fei and I are done with our showers, we'll all leave! CITAN: You're going to get in that device too, Fei? FEI: Looks that way. (FEI grins and flexes again.) CITAN: ... Are you certain I can't watch? (CURTAIN.) |
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===== COMMENTS: See how much I love you people?! Enough to lower myself to making a gay joke about Citan, my obsession! I mean, crikey, I can barely stand the fact that he's married... ah, the things I do for my art... *Mooncalf slaps herself.* Sorry. Sorry. |