| Vagrant Story: Tea Party
I'm sure there will be other VS parodies here eventually, but hey, this one works for now. Oddly, there really aren't many spoilers in here. One or two, possibly, but extremely minor things, and not really plot spoilers at all. ===== |
| (SCENE: A pleasant, comfortable upper-middle-class household.)
(A slender blonde woman, SYDNEY'S MOM, opens the door to reveal a woman with unruly auburn hair, ASHLEY'S MOM.) SYDNEY'S MOM: Helen! I'm so glad you could come over... Sydney's been driving me crazy all day, and I need some adult company... ASHLEY'S MOM: Of course, Janet. Ashley's in school right now, so we've got at least an hour before I have to go. SYDNEY'S MOM: Wonderful... I've already got the tea on. (The tea party continues for a few moments, both women chatting about nothing in particular. Soon, a five-year-old SYDNEY comes clomping down the stairs... completely naked.) SYDNEY'S MOM: Sydney! You go upstairs right now and put your clothes back on! Don't embarrass me in front of my guests! SYDNEY: But Moooooooom... SYDNEY'S MOM: No buts, young man! Go upstairs and put your clothes on! SYDNEY: You think you're so big! When -I- grow up I'm going to go around as naked as I want to, and nobody's going to stop me! SYDNEY'S MOM: Fine, dear. Just... run along. (to ASHLEY'S MOM) I'm sorry, Helen. I don't know what's gotten into that boy. Even when I can get him to put his clothes on, he runs around with his pants almost falling off, and half the time he doesn't even have underwear on underneath... ASHLEY'S MOM: Don't worry about it, Janet... I'm sure it's just a phase he's going through. He'll grow out of it. SYDNEY'S MOM: That's so nice of you, Helen... I really must admit, I envy you. Your little Ashley is so well-behaved. ASHLEY'S MOM: Thank you, Janet... I must say, though, it's been kind of a struggle. He hates dressing up... I can barely get him out of his shorts and tank top sometimes. SYDNEY'S MOM: I wish I could keep Sydney IN shorts and tank top. (Both MOMs pause and drink more tea. In a moment, SYDNEY comes clumping back downstairs, wearing only a pair of chinos pushed almost all the way down over his hips and his sneakers.) SYDNEY'S MOM: Well, that's better, I think. Wait... Sydney, what have you done to your sneakers? SYDNEY: I put spikes on the toes! Isn't it cool? SYDNEY'S MOM: Are those my good hagane steak knives?! And you pushed them right through the fabric! Those were brand-new sneakers! SYDNEY: Yeah, but they were dorky. Now they're cool! (SYDNEY'S MOM looks like she's about to cry. ASHLEY'S MOM leans over and comforts her.) ASHLEY'S MOM: Don't worry, Janet... he'll grow out of it... SYDNEY'S MOM: Oh, Iocus, I hope so. ASHLEY'S MOM: It could be worse, Janet... in ten years he'll want a tattoo... SYDNEY'S MOM: Noooo... I'd DIE, Helen. I'd just DIE if Sydney got a tattoo. SYDNEY: Mom, what's a tattoo? SYDNEY'S MOM: Um... nothing, dear. (CURTAIN.) |
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===== COMMENTS: This one is short and feels kind of unfinished. But it's really just a one-joke parody, so of COURSE it's short. So, anyway, now I've finished Vagrant Story, and I know that Sydney's childhood wasn't ANYTHING like his. Oh, well. |