| Vagrant Story: Vagrant Thoughts
Actually, this one's not bad. It's definitely better than some of the stuff I've put up here lately, anyway. Kind of low on spoilers, but you'll probably want to be familiar with the characters. ===== |
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(SCENE: A cathedral, deep in Lea Monde. SYDNEY LOSSTAROT stands atop a high ledge, staring out the stained-glass window.) (A door on the opposite side of the room bursts open and ASHLEY RIOT strides through, a large axe in one hand.) ASHLEY: Sydney! Damn you, I WILL have answers to my questions! SYDNEY: Oh, will you, Riskbreaker? ASHLEY: Yes. I will. If I must cut them out of your skin, I'll have my answers. SYDNEY: So you want to know my secrets, Riskbreaker? Then come up here... and I'll tell you. ASHLEY: ... I can't. SYDNEY: What? Why not? ASHLEY: Because I have eight goddamned weapons strapped to my belt, that's why not. You try climbing up walls with three polearms, a sword, two heavy maces and two axes strapped to YOUR waist. SYDNEY: ... Ah. Eight weapons thrust into your belt. That would explain what happened to the seat of your pants. ASHLEY: The seat of my... what? (ASHLEY cranes his neck around to stare at his back.) ASHLEY: Ack! Dammit! These were perfectly good leather shorts! SYDNEY: Well, now they're perfectly good chaps... goodness, Riskbreaker. Are those Pokemon underpants? ASHLEY: NO! SYDNEY: Ha. Ha. ASHLEY: You're a fine one to talk about underpants, Sydney. SYDNEY: ... It's not my fault. They ripped when I tried to put them on. ASHLEY: I bet everything rips when you try to put it on. SYDNEY: ... I see that I am not the only one here with psychic powers. ASHLEY: I don't need to be psychic. You have large metal arms with spikes all over them, Sydney. (SYDNEY stares at ASHLEY for a moment, then bursts into tears.) SYDNEY: It's not my FAULT! I used to be able to button shirts! To wear pants without strapping them on with iron bands! To wear UNDERWEAR without rips in it! But nooooo! Someone had to put KNIVES on the ends of my fingers! You think I dress this way because I like the way it looks?! I dress this way because it's all that's left of my wardrobe! ASHLEY: ... SYDNEY: These pants weren't always slashed this low in front! I just had to go to the bathroom really badly one day! ASHLEY: Ouch. I bet that hurts, too. SYDNEY: Please don't remind me. ASHLEY: I could almost feel sorry for you. Here. Just... come with me. SYDNEY: Why? Where are we going? ASHLEY: We'll find a workshop. I've got enough iron stuff to forge a small city... I'll make you some arms without spikes on them. SYDNEY: ... Why are you being so kind to me? ASHLEY: Because I know how many yaoi nuts like to pair us together, and if you think I'm letting you anywhere NEAR what's in my leather shorts with knives on your fingers, you're nuts. SYDNEY: Have no fear, Riskbreaker. I won't harm your Pikachu undies. ASHLEY: Damn you, SHUT UP! SYDNEY: Or you'll do what? ASHLEY: ... I'll tell Romeo your real name is Sydney Losstator. SYDNEY: You wouldn't dare! (CURTAIN.) |
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===== COMMENTS: Heh. I do like the 'male bimbo' look that was so popular in Vagrant Story, but I can't resist making fun of it, either. Why do I keep making yaoi references lately? I don't know. I think it's Pirotess' fault. |