| Suikoden I and II: Versus Battle!
'My life sucks worse!' 'Like hell!' Hrm. Well, okay. Without spoiling anything, I ought to tell you that this contains spoilers to BOTH Suikoden I and Suikoden II, PLUS you'll probably need to have played Suikoden II with a perfect save from Suikoden I. Now that I've lost most of my prospective audience... ===== |
| (SCENE: The Hero's Room, in North Window Castle. The Hero of Suikoden
II, hereinafter known as BARAN, sits disconsolate in his windowseat, staring
out over the castle grounds.)
(A soft knock sounds at the door. After a moment, the door opens, and the Hero McDohl of Suikoden I, hereinafter known as RION, slips into the room. The two Heroes eye each other.) BARAN: ......................... RION: ...................... BARAN: ........... Oh, enough of this silent-hero schtick. Hi, Rion. (RION looks noticeably relieved.) RION: Hey, Baran. Viktor said you were feeling kind of low... I just wanted to check on you... BARAN: Thanks... yeah, ever since Nanami died, I've been... I've been wondering what the hell I'm doing. RION: Let me guess. 'I'm fifteen. Why the hell did they put ME in charge? For my brunette good looks?' BARAN: ... Wow. You're good. RION: Nah, I went through that too... at least you had a bit of soldiering experience first. I just spent a day as a policeman, and that was that... BARAN: Yeah... RION: I mean, I know it sucks that your sister's dead, but it could be worse... I had to kill my own FATHER, for crying out loud. At least you didn't beat Nanami's head in personally... BARAN: Oh, thanks. Is that supposed to be comforting? RION: ... Yeah, sorry. BARAN: At least you got your best friend back through some mystical means. I think I might have to kill mine. RION: The mystical thing isn't as good as it sounds anyway... I had to go through all the grief and pain and THEN he pops right back up and starts annoying the hell out of me again. 'Are you warm enough, Young Master?' 'Are you sure you should be eating that, Young Master?' 'Just wait until your father gets home, Young Master!'... That one's the worst. BARAN: Guh. How can you stand being called 'Young Master' all the time? It sounds so elitist... RION: Well, yeah, it is. My family IS elite, remember? My father was one of Barbarossa's generals! BARAN: Well, la de freaking da. Do you pay those servants of yours anything, or are they just pitiful little slaves? RION: ... Actually, I don't know. BARAN: Figures. RION: Look, there's no call to be so rude! BARAN: Sure there's call! My country betrayed me, my best friend is now my worst enemy, a hundred and eight adoring lunatics follow me everywhere, and now my sister is dead! How could things be WORSE? RION: Well, you could have been a traitor to your own country, hounded out of everywhere you went, lost your best friend and nearly lost another, and had to KILL YOUR OWN FATHER!... not to mention the hundred and eight adoring lunatics thing. BARAN: Boy, you just milk that killed-my-own-father thing for all it's worth, don't you? RION: I happen to think it's SIGNIFICANT! BARAN: At least you had a sane strategist! RION: Yeah, but you have a decent cook! Mine DIED HORRIBLY! BARAN: But you got him back! Gods, you whine! RION: And you know what?! BARAN: What? RION: I did ALL THAT while being forced to wear clashing colors and pointy-toed slippers! BARAN: ...Damn... I hadn't thought about it that way. RION: Yeah. See? BARAN: All right... you've made your point. Now that I feel like UTTER CRAP, as opposed to mildly depressed, can I be alone?! RION: Uh... yeah... sorry, I did come in here to cheer you up, didn't I? BARAN: Crap-ass job you did of it, too. RION: Yeah, well... I guess you should have read the job description better. 'WARNING: this job will be much harder on your family and friends than on you.' BARAN: Hey, it was either be king of the world or be a dead little prisoner of war. RION: Yeah, I remember. BARAN: I guess you do. RION: Anyway, I guess I'll be going... BARAN: Yeah, I'll swing by to pick you up in a couple of days. (RION clops out the door and closes it.) BARAN: ... Grf. Elitist ass. As if I wasn't wearing yellow with red... (CURTAIN.) |
|
===== COMMENTS: Eh. It's okay. And yes, Rion and Baran are the names that I used for my heroes. Referring to them as 'Hero' and 'Hero McDohl' just seemed a bit confusing... I've had a major case of parodists' block lately, and this is the first thing I've written in a while that's worth anything... it's not that good and it was somewhat difficult to write, but it's something, right? |