| Grandia: Wow Guys
I'm about halfway through Grandia at this point, just about to switch to disc 2. And, you know, I keep running into these devil monsters... this parody is based very very closely on my recent Grandia experiences. Spoilers? Well, yes and no. I haven't played to the second disc yet, so as long as you've finished the first disc of Grandia, you're fine here. But yes, there are first-disc spoilers. Plus, if it's been a while since you played Grandia, you might not remember this stuff. Or you might. Heh. ===== |
| (SCENE: A strange jungle, somewhere on the other side of the End of
the World. JUSTIN and FEENA are here, looking a bit battered up and worried.)
FEENA: I wonder where Sue went? She must have fallen some place else... JUSTIN: We gotta find her! If she's not okay, her aunt and uncle are going to KILL me! FEENA: Let me get this straight. We've traveled past countless dangers, and just recently fallen off the tallest wall in existance into the End of the World. And you're scared of Sue's aunt and uncle. JUSTIN: Well... yeah! Plus I'm worried about Sue and stuff. FEENA: That's true. Let's go find her! VOICE FROM THE UNDERBRUSH: Wow. FEENA: Did you say something, Justin? JUSTIN: Uh uh. Not me. I thought it was you that said 'Wow'. VOICE FROM THE UNDERBRUSH: Wow. FEENA: There it was again! JUSTIN: Who's there? (The bushes part and a RED DEVIL pops out and runs full-tilt into JUSTIN, flashing red. A battle commences.) RED DEVIL: Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. JUSTIN: Take this! (RED DEVIL says one last weak 'Wow' and dies.) FEENA: What was that?! JUSTIN: I dunno. It just said 'Wow' and exploded. FEENA: Wow. JUSTIN: Yeah, just like that. FEENA: Anyway, let's go find Sue! (SCENE: A range of mountains. JUSTIN, FEENA, SUE, and GADWIN are all here, traveling through.) VOICE FROM BEHIND A BOULDER: Wow. JUSTIN: Oh, not again. GADWIN: Ho ho! These fellows! SUE: What is it? JUSTIN: It's probably one of those red devil things. FEENA: Close! (A threesome of BLUE DEVILs pops out from behind the boulder and crashes into SUE. Different battle music begins.) SUE: Ow! BLUE DEVILS: Wow. Wow. Wow wow wow. Wow. FEENA: Sue! Are you okay? SUE: Yeah, it just hit me with that... skull, or turtle, or mushroom, or whatever that is that it's holding. JUSTIN: No one picks on Sue but me! Hiya! Hiya! BLUE DEVIL: Wow. (BLUE DEVIL explodes. FEENA runs over to a different BLUE DEVIL and lashes him with her whip. After about twenty lashes, he utters a last piteous 'Wow' and dies, exploding.) JUSTIN: Geez, Feena, I don't know why you bother with that whip. It never seem to work well on ANYTHING. FEENA: I need to keep in practice with all my weapons, though. JUSTIN: Yeah, but... why a whip? It's useless! FEENA: Ask me some night when we're alone, cutie. JUSTIN: Huh? FEENA: Never mind. (JUSTIN mulls that over for a few minutes. Then his face abruptly turns bright red.) FEENA: I told you 'never mind', silly. GADWIN: I do hate to interrupt, but... (GADWIN skewers the last BLUE DEVIL, which was happily chewing on SUE. It also utters one last piteous 'Wow' and explodes.) GADWIN: Come! Try again! JUSTIN: Well, that was fun. Let's go play on those sliding wooden platforms again! (SCENE: On the Mysterious Vanishing Hill. JUSTIN, FEENA, and GADWIN are here, poking at columns. JUSTIN opens a chest and picks up a silver key inside, and suddenly:) VOICE FROM BEHIND A BIG DOOR: Wow. JUSTIN: Again?! FEENA: I'm really getting tired of these Wow Guys. (Two PURPLE DEVILS charge out from the door and smack into JUSTIN, flashing red. Battle music!) FEENA: Oh. Goodness. Purple ones. How INVENTIVE. JUSTIN: Here goes! Ha! (The PURPLE DEVILS are quickly dispatched, both with -- you guessed it --- piteous 'Wow's and explosion.) JUSTIN: Hey, I learned a new spell! FEENA: Great! What does it do? JUSTIN: Here, let's find out! (JUSTIN casts the new spell on FEENA. FEENA becomes stronger.) FEENA: Nice! What's it called? JUSTIN: Um... Wow! FEENA: Where is it? Where's that damn purple Wow Guy?! JUSTIN: No, that's the... the name of the spell. Wow! FEENA: Well, that's appropriate. GADWIN: Wow. (CURTAIN.) |
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===== COMMENTS: Random parody, based on something very small. But I swear. They DO say 'Wow'. All the time. Constantly. Wow. Wow wow. Wow. And when you kill them, they explode. And it was during a battle with three Purple Devils that Justin learned Wow!. How APPROPRIATE. |