Star Ocean: The Second Story - Writer's CircleBecause who amongst us hasn't sat in Central City for hours on end making our characters write books to sell?Mild profanity, comic violence, suggestive stuff. Very few spoilers, unless you count knowing who all the characters are as a spoiler. ===== |
| (SCENE: A smallish but comfortable banquet room in the Brandywine Inn
in Central City. There are a number of chairs here, set in a circle, but
almost none of the chairs are occupied; the people that are here are all
standing about in groups of two or three, chatting aimlessly. Everyone
has at least one book tucked away somewhere, and these books are often
pulled out for various demonstrations. Our attention is first drawn to
CLAUDE and RENA, standing by the small buffet table and chatting.)
RENA: ... so I decided to go with a fantasy theme after all... a beautiful exotic princess who's rescued by a handsome blond Warrior from a faraway land, and they fall deeply in love and have many adventures... CLAUDE: ... wow. That sounds a little like what I ended up writing... (RENA blushes and looks expectantly flattered.) RENA: ... really? Oh, please tell me! CLAUDE: Well, mine is set in an ordinary city; the main character is this guy who's jaded and bored with life. But see, one day he sees this beautiful blue-haired woman on the street, and he becomes fascinated with her, but he's too shy to say anything; he just spots her occasionally and frets over what he should do... RENA: ... oh, Claude, that's beautiful... (blushing a little) Claude? I... CLAUDE: So, anyway, this goes on for a while, and then one night there's a knock at his door, and he answers it to find the blue-haired woman and two of her equally beautiful friends standing there, and they come in and take off all their clothes and have lots and lots and lots of wild sex with him. RENA: ... ah. CLAUDE: (happily) Yeah, I think it'll sell really well! (Nearby, we spot DIAS, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, listening to BOWMAN, who's gesturing in front of him.) BOWMAN: ... so basically, I admire the energy of your work, and your mental images are undoubtedly powerful. DIAS: ... BOWMAN: But on the other hand, I find your metaphors unwieldy. (Without a word, DIAS draws his sword and slashes off the last five inches or so of BOWMAN's tie. BOWMAN swallows as the bit of fabric flutters down to land on his boots.) BOWMAN: ... but of course, that's just my opinion! (DIAS doesn't say anything, just eyes BOWMAN as he slides his sword back into its scabbard. ERNEST and OPERA, nearby, eye DIAS for a moment before turning back to their own conversation. CHISATO is standing with them, her arms crossed.) ERNEST: So, as I was saying, I think it would work best as a trilogy. OPERA: I agree! Three is definitely the optimum number. What about the love triangle? ERNEST: I think we should keep it kind of low-key; no three-way sex or anything. OPERA: ... pity. I think the relationships between the three countries might be well expressed by some angry-ish sex between the three main characters. ERNEST: Well, maybe in the third book. OPERA: Hm. ERNEST: But that kind of a threesome would definitely change the direction of the three main plot threads. CHISATO: You two are obsessed. OPERA: Oh, Chisato, you take things three seriously! ERNEST: Opera's right. What you have three understand is that three write this book correctly, we've got three really flesh out the world, and for that, we need three volumes. OPERA: ... and please don't say that word, Chisato, it's so disturbing. CHISATO: What word? ERNEST: ... that word. You know. The not-three. CHISATO: ... two? (Both OPERA and ERNEST wince away from CHISATO, who rolls her eyes. NOEL strolls up to join them, his own book poked under his arm. CHISATO turns to him in relief.) CHISATO: Noel! So, what's your latest about? I decided it was about time to write my shocking expose' on how newspaper owners censor and violate the rights of the press by knuckling under to the demands of insane militant citizens' groups, myself. NOEL: Really? Wow, man, sounds interesting... CHISATO: Oh, it's a huge problem. You can't even cover the important news any more because the money men are too busy pandering to every little fringe group and their pet issue... but just listen to me blather. What's yours about? You've never said... NOEL: Huh? Oh! Yeah, man. My new book's about how the media is criminally negligent in covering cases of animal cruelty and ecological matters, and how they really need to devote a lot more time to that. CHISATO: ... um. NOEL: (oblivious) Yeah, it's a huge problem, just like yours, man... (A piercing giggle overrides CHISATO's response, more or less fortunately. Our attention is drawn to PRECIS, clutching a large and colorful book to her chest and prattling at LEON.) PRECIS: And THEN the Pretty Powder Puff Princess rides her pony back to the castle with the Pink Amethyst and the king is SOOOOO happy to see her and she marries the Powerful Prince and they live happily ever after! It's a CHILDREN's book. You should read it! LEON: ... PRECIS: So what's YOURS about? What do little boys like to read? (LEON stares at PRECIS for a moment, then clears his throat and holds up his own -- thick -- tome.) LEON: 'Quantological Orbits: The Problem Of Extending Dynamic Torus Knot Topology Into Fifth-Dimensional Space'. PRECIS: ... huh? LEON: ... you know what? Never mind. (A low, throaty laugh catches our attention, and we turn to ASHTON and CELINE, over in one corner. ASHTON's dragons are busy snitching food off his plate; he's too busy talking to notice.) ASHTON: So I thought I should write a self-help book; I mean, fiction is all very well and good, but I feel like I have a lot to say about dealing with unexpected life-changing events. ... Gyoro, stop that. CELINE: Absolutely, darling! I think that's a splendid idea... ASHTON: ... oh my, I'm sorry, here I've been babbling on at you about my book, and I haven't given you a chance to tell me about yours! CELINE: Oh, Ashton darling, it's quite all right. Anyway, I have tried my hand at prose, I really have, but it's just not my forte... ASHTON: Now, don't be so hard on yourself! CELINE: No, darling, it's kind of you to say that, but it's true. But if I want to remain in the circle, I have to produce a book, which leaves me in a terrible bind! ASHTON: Oh, I can imagine... so what are you going to do? CELINE: Well, I'll admit I was at wit's end, darling, but then it hit me! (CELINE reaches under her cloak and comes out with a huge and obviously expensive glossy book of photographs.) CELINE: The bylaws are very clear about producing a book, but it doesn't say anywhere that you need to write one, now does it? (With a triumphant smile, CELINE opens the book and pushes it into ASHTON's hands. ASHTON blinks, once, and then his jaw falls open, his eyes going wide and glassy. Behind him, GYORO faints.) ASHTON: ... ah... Celine? My... my goodness... CELINE: Isn't it wonderful, darling? All I had to do was pose for a handful of silly little photographs and suddenly they were simply jumping to publish my book... ASHTON: ... agck. CELINE: They've given me a six-figure advance! Imagine that! ASHTON: ... my goodness gracious, Celine, I didn't know your Crests went... er... up there... and around those... and... oh dear... CELINE: Well, yes, darling, that's part of the fun... (ASHTON gingerly turns the book sideways, going brilliant red.) ASHTON: ... and, er, the candle, it's very... er... suggestive... CELINE: That's the idea, Ashton darling, and let me tell you, that particular position is even more uncomfortable than it looks. I could barely sit down for a week, and the wax! It was horrible, darling. ASHTON: Is that... rubber? CELINE: Don't be silly! It's latex. ASHTON: ... ah. I see. Celine, would you mind very much taking the book back? CELINE: Hm? Oh, of course, darling... (CELINE reaches over and takes the book out of ASHTON's hands. As soon as the book is safely out of his grip, ASHTON rolls his eyes up into his head and faints with a crash.) CELINE: Ashton? Oh dear. I suppose you always were a bit prudish... (CELINE leans over -- way over -- and pats ASHTON's cheeks. Conversations all around the room stutter to a halt, in front of her and behind her. BOWMAN has to lean against the wall. RENA slaps a gaping CLAUDE. After a stunned moment, we hear:) ERNEST: ... well, that's all very well and good, but if she only had three... (CURTAIN.) |
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