| FF8: Your Face
This was the first parody I ever wrote. It amused me enough that I kept going. Certain people may hate it for just that reason, but they can leave my website at any time. No spoilers! Wow! ===== |
| (SCENE: Balamb Village, about two years before the events in FF8.)
(The door to the Dincht's house opens and a skinny 15-year-old Zell slinks in. He makes for the stairs, but his mother, emerging from the kitchen, catches him.) MA: Zell, is that y... ZELL! What is that on your face, young man? (Zell slowly turns towards the camera, revealing the tattoo that spreads
from forehead to cheek on the left side
ZELL: Um... it's a tattoo, Mom. (Ma Dincht flutters her dishcloth, her hand over her heart.) MA: A tattoo... my little boy has a tattoo... on his FACE... oh, Zell, what were you thinking? Don't you know that's permanent? Oh, how am I going to explain this to the neighbors? It's bad enough that you started wearing your hair all spiked up like that, but a TATTOO? ZELL: Ma... MA: Don't you 'Ma...' me, young man. You are in SO much trouble. I cannot BELIEVE you'd run off and tattoo your face like that. Your FACE... oh, your lovely face... oh, Zell... young man, you are grounded. ZELL: (flash of anger) It's MY face, Ma! I think it looks cool! MA: Cool? You look like a criminal! Let me tell YOU, young man, as long as you live under my roof, you'll live by MY rules. Now get upstairs to your room! I don't want to see you until suppertime! ZELL: I won't! I'm an adult and I can do what I want! You can't ground me! I'll... I'll run off to the Garden and become a SeeD! Like Grandpa! MA: Oh! Oh, see what he says to me, his mother! Let me tell YOU, young man, you didn't get this incorrigible streak from MY side of the family! A tattoo on your face and now you want to run off and be a hired killer! Oh... my little Zell... (Ma bursts into tears.) ZELL: Oh, GEEZ, Ma. (Zell stomps up the stairs to start packing.) (CURTAIN.) |
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===== COMMENTS: You KNOW that if a kid shows up with a big tattoo all over half his face, his mother's going to freak. It's one of those mental images that bit me on the leg and wouldn't let go. If only I'd found a way to work in 'Shut up! You're not my real mom!'. |